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BULLSHIDO: M&F'S GUIDE TO SOME OF THE LESS PRACTICAL COMBAT STYLES

BULLSHIDO: M&F'S GUIDE TO SOME OF THE LESS PRACTICAL COMBAT STYLES

Despite his onscreen status as the Baryshnikov of violence, targeting enemies with choreographed, flashy perfection, Bruce Lee's personal martial arts philosophy was all about efficiency and practical application. "There's no mystery about my style," he said. "Too much horsing around with unrealistic stances and classic forms and rituals is just too artificial and mechanical...a guy could get clobbered while getting into this classical mess."

Not all styles share Lee's edicts for truth in combat. Here's our guide to those that have more in common with P.T. Barnum than B.J. Penn:

Bullshido Styles:
»Ball Busters
»Use the Force
»System Error
»Heart Break
»Bamboo-zled

Ball Busters

A Chinese art with roots in the 13th Century, "Iron Shirt" purports to resist attacks in specific areas by channeling the body's natural energy. One could, in theory, sustain a full-force kick to the jewels and laugh about it afterward. You go first.

Bullshido Styles:
»Ball Busters
»Use the Force
»System Error
»Heart Break
»Bamboo-zled

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Use the Force

Stylists who have mastered Dim Mak claim they can incapacitate using pressure points or knock an opponent off his feet without touching him. Strangely, this technique only works on cooperative students; a Chicago newscast documented one master failing to bowl over any skeptical athletes, including UFC fighter Stephan Bonnar.

Bullshido Styles:
»
Ball Busters
»Use the Force
»System Error
»Heart Break
»Bamboo-zled

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System Error

Students of Russian Martial Art, Systema, can look forward to learning strikes that can bypass muscles and go straight to organs, attacking opponents with chest-butts (a possible winning strategy if you're Pam Anderson) and using "psychology" to avoid blows. We assume they mean begging someone to stop hitting you.

Bullshido Styles:
»
Ball Busters
»Use the Force
»System Error
»Heart Break
»Bamboo-zled

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Heart Break

Cardiovascular fitness has no place in Fang Shen Do's dojo: The Canadian martial art instructs students to feign having a heart attack during an altercation. When your adversary relaxes, you strike, because we all know how concerned car-jackers are about your well-being.

Bullshido Styles:
»
Ball Busters
»Use the Force
»System Error
»Heart Break
»Bamboo-zled

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Bamboo-zled

Do you want to learn telepathy? "Read" souls? Bump David Copperfield from the MGM's marquee? Consider the ancient practice of Yellow Bamboo, a Bali art which promises "magic" powers for anyone rich enough to afford their "Level Three" courses. Marvel at how fast you master the disappearing wallet trick.

Bullshido Styles:
»
Ball Busters
»Use the Force
»System Error
»Heart Break
»Bamboo-zled

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