The Top 10 Questions Men Ask About Sex

Sexologist Emily Morse answers your most common—and sometimes embarrassing—questions about women and sex.


4. How can I get her to be more adventurous in bed?

Approach the issue playfully. Make it a game, instead of a game changer. Start an open discussion about things that you’d like to try in the bedroom. Encourage your partner to write down things that turn her on and you’ll do the same. Then swap lists and read to each other in bed. Watching porn together is another fun way to get inspiration and to warm your partner up to trying new things. If she sees it acted out on screen, she might find herself feeling more aroused and less intimidated. If your partner is more vanilla, start slowly and carefully. If she loves missionary sex, suggest new positions, like girl-on-top. With each small move she makes on the “adventure” scale, give her positive feedback to let her know how much these things turn you on.

5. Sometimes I finish too quickly, what’s wrong with me?

There’s nothing wrong with you. It sounds like you’re up close and personal with the number-one sexual issue that men face today—premature ejaculation. Most men have experienced this at least a few times in their lives, but for others it’s a persistent nuisance almost every time they have intercourse. PE is often attributed to a number of factors including anxiety, psychological issues, or a variety of medical conditions.

The good news is that you can work on it and improve your ability to control your erections. You can become a champion in bed just by doing Kegel exercises to strengthen your pubococcygeus (PC) muscles , which can help you last longer during sex. Reducing anxiety is key, so consider trying yoga or meditation. Fleshlight makes a great stamina-training unit where you can incorporate the "stop-start" method during masturbation, training yourself to control your ejaculation. Or you can try the only FDA-approved treatment for PE, a mild delay spray called Promescent. Use it 10 minutes before sex and double your staying power. No matter what you do, it’s best to communicate the anxiety that you’re experiencing about this issue to your partner and your doctor. Just talking about it will alleviate some of the stress and shame you feel and put you on road to finding the right solution.

6. How can I get my partner to have anal sex?

Anal sex is the “it” thing to get your partner to do. Yes, it’s naughty and a little bit taboo, but when done wrong, anal can be a real pain-in-the-ass (pun intended) and an absolute nightmare on the receiving end. Whether she had a bad experience, or knows someone who had a bad experience, the majority of women are predisposed to fear anal sex. Your goal here is to make this the most pleasurable experience possible for her.

First, approach the topic by talking about new things you’d like to try in bed. Let her know how much the idea of anal sex turns you on, without being pushy. If you force the issue, you run the risk of her going into lockdown mode. If your partner is into idea, start with foreplay to get her warmed up and relaxed, a requirement for her pleasure. Start small by gently rubbing around the area during sex or when you’re going down on her. You can also try using your tongue to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings that are rarely explored. If she feels comfortable with these initial steps, you can move on to inserting a digit, then two, and so on. There should be communication happening every step of the way with anal sex—before, during, and after. Especially if it’s the first time or first few times she’s having anal sex, ask her about her pleasure and comfort levels throughout the experience. And do not forget the lube. There is no such thing as too much lube when it comes to anal sex.

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