Is all that moaning and groaning for real? Our resident hot girl lets you in on the surefire signs she’s actually coming—while revealing a more surprising way to gauge her sexual satisfaction.
Q: I’m worried that my girlfriend is faking her orgasms. How can I tell?
A: There are some surefire signs she’s actually coming, and most of them don’t involve the audible, Oscar-worthy performance you’re probably expecting. Her face and chest will be flush, her muscles all over her body—and inside her vagina—will tense up, her eyes will close… and then she’ll release and relax.
But with that said, let’s be really honest for a second: Why do you care if she’s faking it? Think on that one for a bit. Is the issue really that you want to be able to tell when she’s having an orgasm and when she isn’t? Or is the larger question that you want to know if she’s sexually satisfied?
I think we give orgasms a little too much credit. Your sexual ability as a man does not hinge on how many times you’ve gotten her off, or how many of her orgasms are real. A girl can have pretty mediocre sex and still get off, or great sex and not get off. My point is, instead of spending your energy investigating the authenticity of her orgasms, why don’t you actually ask her what she likes, how she likes it, and what you could do to make her even more satisfied?
Truth be told, many women do feel pressure to start screaming like a porn star the second you start touching them (even though it takes most women, on average, 10-20 minutes to climax). That’s because their priority is often making you feel good about your performance rather than letting you in on what they want. This means that you actually have to ask a woman what she likes and what you can do better.
When you pop that question, you’re likely to get an answer “you’re great” or “nothing, it’s perfect,” or even, “I don’t know.” Why? Well for one, it can feel awkward. And second, she’s probably terrified of telling you what you could do better for fear that you’ll take the comment to mean that you’re not good at all.
Your best move is to reassure her that you really want to know. You’re not just asking because you feel like “that’s something good guys do” and you just want to check off that box. Encourage her to give you directions as you’re having sex or take control of the action and move your hands and body into the position she wants. You can also help by asking her in the heat of the moment “What do you want me to do?” Tell her you think that getting instructions while you’re having sex is hot—and that you want to know if she wants it “right there,” “like that,” “harder,” or to “slow down.”
Getting feedback on those things is much more worth your time than trying to decide if her orgasms are real. If she is faking it a lot, I doubt she’d tell you anyway. But getting her to show you what she wants is bound to help her achieve orgasms that are real in the future.
ABOUT THE HOT GIRL:Amber Madison is an author, lecturer, sex and relationship expert and dating coach. She has appeared on MTV, VH1, The Today Show, NPR, The Early Show, The Bill Cunningham Show; has been quoted in Newsweek, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan; and writes a dating column for The Metro.
