Q: My girlfriend wants to use sex toys in bed. Does that mean she’s not satisfied with just me?
A: Don’t jump to the conclusion that your girlfriend is suddenly bored by your non-vibrating penis and looking for alternatives. In fact, it’s probably the opposite—she’s so comfortable and has so much fun in bed with you that she’s excited to mix things up and experiment.
It also means she’s ready to start having mind-blowing orgasms and wants you to be a part of it. It’s no secret that it’s harder for women to orgasm than men. In fact, only about five percent of women are able to reach orgasm with vaginal intercourse alone. “This is not to say a vibrator is required,” says Dr. Lauren Streicher, assistant professor of gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. “Clitoral stimulation with a finger or tongue can also do the trick, but for many, the intensity of a vibrator is the only way they’re able to climax.”
Often, men worry that introducing toys into the bedroom will mean she’ll never again be able to reach orgasm without her silicone friend. This isn’t the case. “Many women have a more intense orgasm with a vibrator,” says Dr. Streicher. “But you can’t substitute the intimacy and emotion that comes from sex with a partner.”
If you have an open mind, using a vibrator as a couple will be fun for you, too. According to a recent study, almost 45 percent of heterosexual men have used a vibrator in their lives—and enjoyed it. When shopping, start with small bullets perfect for stimulating both her clitoris and your penis, or go for toy options made especially for couples, like vibrating cock rings. “80 percent of vibrator use is by couples,” says Dr. Streicher. “They’re not just for masturbation anymore.”
About the Hot Girl: Rachel Zar is a magazine editor based in New York City. As a freelance writer and editor, she’s covered a variety of topics including women’s health, dating, relationships, and the arts.
