If she’s in a pair of ballet slippers at a bar, she certainly isn’t there to lure a mate. Translation: This is the kind of girl your mom wants you to marry. She’s fun but not the type for sweaty gymnastics.

Any woman who can withstand the pain of placing all her body weight on the balls of her feet for 15 hours per day should be admired. She needs a guy strong enough to carry her home from the clubs—because she’s lost all feeling from the knees down.

There’s something intrinsically sexy about this shoe that has allowed it to withstand the test of time. The shapes and colors may change with the seasons but the concept remains the same—women in these boots do not go home alone. Nor do they want to.

You might as well be married to this chick, because she’s already let herself go. If you’re dating a girl who thinks brightly colored clogs are high fashion, it’s time to reexamine your own style, because at some point in time you’ve become uncool.

Running shoes belong in the gym or the DMV. If she’s wearing sneakers on a date or to a club, you may want to think twice. This girl is not only fashion challenged, she could be the type to ignore social rules entirely—and not in a fun, sex-in-public kind of way.