Whenever people find out that I’m a sex therapist, they typically ask me, “What kind of questions do people usually ask you?” I know they’re mostly asking for the interesting stories, but I also know that they’re asking—in a roundabout way—if their own questions about sex are normal. The fact is, when it comes to sex, there’s a wide spectrum of what constitutes normal, and often, your questions are shared by many other people. Sex therapists have encountered many situations that people might consider embarrassing, so you shouldn’t be shy about asking.

If you want to take the same peek behind my sex therapy office door, and the same assurance that your questions are perfectly acceptable, I’m here to help. Here are the nine most common questions I get asked from men in my practice and my unfiltered, honest answers.