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It’s like your best buddy suddenly turns on you. You’re saying, “Yes!” She’s saying, “Yes!” And the little man below decides he’s going to sit this one out. But even the most bangin’ playas occasionally run into problems in the bedroom. So, jot down these tips from sex and relationship expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and keep them by the bed—just in case
What you call it: “The sprinklers going off before you finish mowing the lawn”
What the doc calls it: Premature ejaculation
What could be causing it: Too much stimulation
What to tell her: “You are just so sexy I couldn’t stop myself. Now, scoot over and let me finish you off too.”
What the expert says: “From a medical state, there’s nothing wrong with a guy who rapidly ejaculates. In fact, nature has, in many ways, designed male sexual anatomy to be as efficient as possible. It’s generally reinforced by a guy’s masturbation habits. So the more the guy masturbates himself quickly to orgasm, the more likely he is to build a neo-path that reinforces that behavior.”
How to avoid it in the future: The easy route is using a thicker condom. However, you can “talk yourself down” with practice. “Unlike women, men reach a point of ejaculatory inevitability where, with or without further stimulation, they’ll orgasm,” says Kerner. “If a guy can recognize that he’s getting close and allow himself to have just one or two of the contractions, it will release muscular tension and blood from the genitals and take him back a little bit in the process of sexual arousal.”
What you call it: “Failure to launch”
What the doc calls it: Impotence or erectile dysfunction.
What could be causing it: Maybe the eight vodka shots and four beers you just had. It also might be the result of anxiety or a side effect of medications such as antihypertensives, tranquilizers, or antidepressants.
What to tell her: “I drank too much; I’m an idiot. Give me a second chance and let me take you to dinner,” or, “I’m sorry, baby. With work so crazy, I’m tapped for energy. It’s not that you aren’t smokin’ hot. Let’s go out.”
What the expert says: “If it’s something that happens sporadically, it can be a result of tremendous stress that day or drinking too much alcohol, which numbs the autonomic nervous system. If it’s something that’s happening more regularly, you might be a good candidate for an erectile enhancer like Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra.”
How to avoid it in the future: If moderation at the bar isn’t your thing, make sure getting drunk with the boys isn’t also a pickup night. Or take the emphasis off your penis by pleasuring your partner manually, orally, or with a toy.
What you call it: “Steel rod”
What the doc calls it: Delayed ejaculation
What could be causing it: Being overtired or lack of stimulation.
What to tell her: “This has nothing to do with you, I promise. Sometimes I really just need more time.”
What the expert says: “Delayed ejaculation is a pretty rare phenomenon. Most men who experience the condition either need more direct contact or there is something about the relationship that’s causing them anxiety. Side effects of medications like antidepressants also could play a role. Sometimes a guy can masturbate himself to orgasm but he can’t do it when he’s inside a woman. Very often it’s about his needing a firmer or different kind of stimulation to get over that point of ejaculatory inevitability.”
How to avoid it in the future: If it’s about rest, put down the remote and go to bed—you’ll look better, feel better, and probably be less irritable. If it’s about stimulation, have a wank-‘n’-watch session so she can see what you like and how you like it. If it’s just that she’s wearing your mother’s perfume and it’s distracting you, kindly buy her something different. Telling her she smells like your mom should help … or not.