This will sound familiar to all disappointed Casanovas out there: You’re sure you’ve successfully charmed the pants off the girl when she agrees to come to your place for “one last drink.” But just when you think things are going to get hot and heavy, suddenly she’s mumbling about an early meeting, giving you a platonic kiss on the cheek and bolting before you get anywhere near her pants, leaving you wondering where it all went wrong.
So why couldn’t you get her into bed? Whether it’s being overall clueless or making one dumb comment, it’s surprisingly easy not to realize you’ve made a misstep. “Let’s face it: In a society with a plethora of online dating sites, speed dating opportunities, and new dating technologies emerging nearly every month, women are more focused on ruling men ‘out’ than ruling them ‘in,’” says expert Marni Battista, founder and CEO of Dating with Dignity.
To investigate the missteps you might be making without even knowing it (and to prevent you from doing them again), 10 women told us of times they were this close to sealing the deal with a guy…and how he blew it. Don’t repeat their mistakes, gentlemen.
10 reasons you’re not getting laid
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1 OF 10
1 of 10
Your late-night snack
“A guy I was casually hooking up with was texting me all sorts of dirty stuff one night about how he wanted me, and when he finally showed up at my door, he was mildly drunk and eating a giant sandwich. (His mid-bite apology: ‘Yeah, just gotta finish this, sorry. So hungry.’) Nothing’s less sexy than sandwich breath, not to mention the fact that pausing for a meal kind of kills the mood he had established with all that texting? Ew. I can still smell salami when I think about it.” —Kristine, 30
2 of 10
Your trashy trash
“I was involved with a guy long distance. It wasn’t exclusive, but the last time we were together, we were both supposedly single. So after a few drinks at a bar, we headed back to his place. In the cab, we couldn’t even breathe we were so into it! We fumbled up to his apartment, but just as things were steaming up, I glanced at where our clothes were falling on the floor. That’s when I saw them. Not one, but two used condoms on the floor beside his trashcan. It made not only that night, but our entire thing, feel gross. I never hooked up with him again.” —Melissa, 30
3 of 10
Your (non-sex) toys
“I had met up with a work colleague for drinks a few times, and after the third rendezvous, he invited me back to his apartment. He led me straight to his bedroom, where I caught a glimpse of Spiderman out of the corner of my eye. On his dresser, lined up with a precision reserved for front-line militia, was his collection of action figures—everything from Homer Simpson to Wolverine. I suppressed laughter, snapped a picture of the menagerie and mass texted it to my girlfriends. Their responses came back prompting me to run like hell. Needless to say, I never went back to the Bat Cave again.” —Christy, 28
4 of 10
Your dog
“This cute guy wined and dined me on a few dates before the fateful night I decided to go back to his place. We went to his bedroom and when we started getting intimate, his dog jumped on the bed—and, um, got involved! The dog licked my leg, which totally freaked me out. I stopped what I was doing (his loss!) and asked him to get rid of his furry friend. But he just put it on the floor, so within minutes, the dog was back on the bed again. Next thing I knew, he was actually petting the dog while I was, how shall we say, petting him! I got the hell out of there and never answered his calls again.” —Meredith, 29
5 of 10
Your cleaning habits
“After a few dates, I decided to go spend the night at this guy’s house. When we got there, there was lawn furniture in the living room and trash everywhere. It was late night and I couldn’t find a cab, so I huddled in a corner of the bed by myself, fully clothed and not wanting to touch anything. He gave me a decorative pillow, something a doll could maybe sleep with, for my head. I jumped up in the morning to leave and my phone had fallen between the bed and the wall. I looked down to retrieve it and there was dried up puke crusted on the floor. Defriended on Facebook. Lose my number. Never speak to me again.” —Carrie, 28
6 of 10
Your kissing skills.
“I went out with this guy who was otherwise perfect: tall, cute, funny. But he was the worst kisser! It was literally gag-inducing. I didn’t know how to tell him, and the guy could not take a hint. If I would push him away to get him to ease up, he would for a minute, then dive right back down my throat. I liked him so much I tried, I really did. I even got a little drunk on our fourth date and brought him home, but his kissing was such a turn off I just couldn’t get sufficiently in the mood. We went to sleep instead, and never went out again.” —Beth, 30
7 of 10
Your big mouth
“I had gone out with this guy a few times and was feeling kind of into him. Then, on a date, he mentioned a movie he’d seen recently where actress Carrie Mulligan had a nude scene. He declared that he was ‘disappointed’ in her ‘weird body.’ I immediately knew I could never take my clothes off in front of this dude. If he’s that judgmental of a gorgeous Hollywood actress, what is he going to think of my real girl flaws? Or worse, what is he going to say about my body to his friends? Ugh. Next!” —Marie, 30
Your body language
“I was out with a guy who I thought was really interesting. We were talking about hockey and when he mentioned the other team, he flipped them off. Both hands, birds flying. It was sort of strange but I didn’t think much of it at first. But then he kept doing it and I realized it was a weird bad habit that he flipped off…everything. Instead of talking with his hands, he just flipped everything off. He was nice but it felt like he must have a lot of pent up rage or something—so instead of going home with him, I got out of there.” —Natalie, 25
9 of 10
Your “sweet” talk
“I met this guy through a mutual friend, and we went out on a few dates. Things were going really well until one night when I got home late from a rough day at work, and all I wanted to do was head to bed. I called him just to say hi and he responds…‘I’m sorry you had a rough day, babe. I wish I could be there to tuck you in and sing you a lullaby.’ Really? Are you my dad or a guy I’m interested in pursuing?! I immediately hung up the phone and went for a nine mile run to get this conversation out of my head.” —Erin, 25
10 of 10
Your ego
“I was set up on a date with this guy, so I tried to make the most of it and give him a chance. After he had gone on and on pretty much the entire time about how much money he made, I was feeling less generous. Then, he actually demanded I feel the weight of his watch in my hands so I could see how light—i.e., expensive—it was. Classy! And the last straw was that after all of that, when the check came, he insisted we split it. Under ordinary circumstances, that wouldn’t be such a big deal but after he’d spent the past hour bragging about how rich he was, it was so tasteless.” —Carrie, 29
“A guy I was casually hooking up with was texting me all sorts of dirty stuff one night about how he wanted me, and when he finally showed up at my door, he was mildly drunk and eating a giant sandwich. (His mid-bite apology: ‘Yeah, just gotta finish this, sorry. So hungry.’) Nothing’s less sexy than sandwich breath, not to mention the fact that pausing for a meal kind of kills the mood he had established with all that texting? Ew. I can still smell salami when I think about it.” —Kristine, 30
Your trashy trash
“I was involved with a guy long distance. It wasn’t exclusive, but the last time we were together, we were both supposedly single. So after a few drinks at a bar, we headed back to his place. In the cab, we couldn’t even breathe we were so into it! We fumbled up to his apartment, but just as things were steaming up, I glanced at where our clothes were falling on the floor. That’s when I saw them. Not one, but two used condoms on the floor beside his trashcan. It made not only that night, but our entire thing, feel gross. I never hooked up with him again.” —Melissa, 30
Your (non-sex) toys
“I had met up with a work colleague for drinks a few times, and after the third rendezvous, he invited me back to his apartment. He led me straight to his bedroom, where I caught a glimpse of Spiderman out of the corner of my eye. On his dresser, lined up with a precision reserved for front-line militia, was his collection of action figures—everything from Homer Simpson to Wolverine. I suppressed laughter, snapped a picture of the menagerie and mass texted it to my girlfriends. Their responses came back prompting me to run like hell. Needless to say, I never went back to the Bat Cave again.” —Christy, 28
Your dog
“This cute guy wined and dined me on a few dates before the fateful night I decided to go back to his place. We went to his bedroom and when we started getting intimate, his dog jumped on the bed—and, um, got involved! The dog licked my leg, which totally freaked me out. I stopped what I was doing (his loss!) and asked him to get rid of his furry friend. But he just put it on the floor, so within minutes, the dog was back on the bed again. Next thing I knew, he was actually petting the dog while I was, how shall we say, petting him! I got the hell out of there and never answered his calls again.” —Meredith, 29
Your cleaning habits
“After a few dates, I decided to go spend the night at this guy’s house. When we got there, there was lawn furniture in the living room and trash everywhere. It was late night and I couldn’t find a cab, so I huddled in a corner of the bed by myself, fully clothed and not wanting to touch anything. He gave me a decorative pillow, something a doll could maybe sleep with, for my head. I jumped up in the morning to leave and my phone had fallen between the bed and the wall. I looked down to retrieve it and there was dried up puke crusted on the floor. Defriended on Facebook. Lose my number. Never speak to me again.” —Carrie, 28
Your kissing skills.
“I went out with this guy who was otherwise perfect: tall, cute, funny. But he was the worst kisser! It was literally gag-inducing. I didn’t know how to tell him, and the guy could not take a hint. If I would push him away to get him to ease up, he would for a minute, then dive right back down my throat. I liked him so much I tried, I really did. I even got a little drunk on our fourth date and brought him home, but his kissing was such a turn off I just couldn’t get sufficiently in the mood. We went to sleep instead, and never went out again.” —Beth, 30
Your big mouth
“I had gone out with this guy a few times and was feeling kind of into him. Then, on a date, he mentioned a movie he’d seen recently where actress Carrie Mulligan had a nude scene. He declared that he was ‘disappointed’ in her ‘weird body.’ I immediately knew I could never take my clothes off in front of this dude. If he’s that judgmental of a gorgeous Hollywood actress, what is he going to think of my real girl flaws? Or worse, what is he going to say about my body to his friends? Ugh. Next!” —Marie, 30
Your body language
“I was out with a guy who I thought was really interesting. We were talking about hockey and when he mentioned the other team, he flipped them off. Both hands, birds flying. It was sort of strange but I didn’t think much of it at first. But then he kept doing it and I realized it was a weird bad habit that he flipped off…everything. Instead of talking with his hands, he just flipped everything off. He was nice but it felt like he must have a lot of pent up rage or something—so instead of going home with him, I got out of there.” —Natalie, 25
Your "sweet" talk
“I met this guy through a mutual friend, and we went out on a few dates. Things were going really well until one night when I got home late from a rough day at work, and all I wanted to do was head to bed. I called him just to say hi and he responds…‘I’m sorry you had a rough day, babe. I wish I could be there to tuck you in and sing you a lullaby.’ Really? Are you my dad or a guy I’m interested in pursuing?! I immediately hung up the phone and went for a nine mile run to get this conversation out of my head.” —Erin, 25
Your ego
“I was set up on a date with this guy, so I tried to make the most of it and give him a chance. After he had gone on and on pretty much the entire time about how much money he made, I was feeling less generous. Then, he actually demanded I feel the weight of his watch in my hands so I could see how light—i.e., expensive—it was. Classy! And the last straw was that after all of that, when the check came, he insisted we split it. Under ordinary circumstances, that wouldn’t be such a big deal but after he’d spent the past hour bragging about how rich he was, it was so tasteless.” —Carrie, 29
