You’ve probably held onto the idea that an enormous penis makes you more of a man ever since you were an insecure middle schooler holding a ruler up to your Johnson, terrified you didn’t measure up. Odds are also good that anxiety hasn’t subsided in your adult years; it’s probably created a complex, if anything.
If you’re not packing something you’re confident about, revealing yourself to a woman for the first time can be dreadful. But, guess what? She’s got insecurities, too! So, stop trying to hide yourself—only having sex with the lights off or under the sheets—and relax. We’ve consulted with top experts and referred to the latest research to help you better cope with any shortcomings you think you have, provide you with tips and advice for better sex, and advice on strengthening your body image so you can have better relationships (that includes the one with yourself!).
How the Stats Stack Up
– “Only 6% of women rate their partner’s penis size as small and 84 percent say they’re ‘very satisfied’ with their lover’s size,” says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and founder of The Sexual Pro Series Webinars. This UCLA and Cal State LA research also found, in contrast, that only 55% of men reported a similar level of satisfaction with their own size.
– Always questioning if your penis is average? Research that included tens of thousands of men found an average erect penis is 5.16 inches long and 3.6 inches flaccid.
– Shorter men are less likely to be satisfied with their penis size than taller men based on self-report studies, O’Reilly says.
*Something else to keep in mind: Some men are growers and others are showers. “A smaller flaccid penis will grow considerably more than a larger one resulting in less of a size differential once they’re both hard,”O’Reilly says. So don’t freak if your flaccid penis isn’t all you want it to be; its size is not a good indicator of erect length.
“We tend to equate bigger with better and penis size with virility, which really is absurd,” O’Reilly says. “Bigger is not always better and penis size has nothing to do with manhood, testosterone levels, number of sex partners, or satisfaction of a sexual partner,” she adds. Men with penises of all shapes and sizes have satisfying relationships. Don’t let your brain keep you from a super-hot sex life. Here are some universal truths you need to accept:
1. Odds Are Good You’re More than Enough for Her
“Rest assured your penis is likely more than adequate in terms of length,” O’Reilly says. “The average vaginal canal length from the entrance to the cervix is less than 3.5 inches in an unaroused state: You don’t need seven or eight inches of penile length to reach the depths of the vagina, and I hear more complaints from women about their partner’s penis being too long as opposed to to short,” she says. Which brings us to the second point: Yes, there’s such a thing as being too big.
2. Women Can Be Overwhelmed By a Large Penis
Pop culture makes it seem like women are solely pining for guys who are huge; but in reality, long penises are best suited for women with longer vaginal canals—it’s more an issue of anatomy, and certain positions can actually be painful for women if their partner is too big. “It’s so absurd that our culture is simultaneously obsessed with large penises and small vaginas—the two really don’t go hand in hand!”
3. Supersized Penises Don’t Equate to Satisfaction—Period
“Sexual and relationship satisfaction are not positively correlated with penis size or any other measure of our bodies,” O’Reilly says. It is, however, largely influenced by these factors:
– The realization your relationships (sexual and otherwise) take work
– Expressions of affection and gratitude
– The acceptance that some fights are unresolvable
– The prioritization of a happy, healthy sex life
– Reciprocity in and out of the bedroom
– Open, honest, vulnerable communication
How to Become More Comfortable in Your Size
“We navigate a world that’s constantly telling us we’re not good enough—we should be taller or shorter, heavier or skinnier; it’s absurd,” O’Reilly says. But in the grand scheme of things, think: What does it really matter? Does being taller make you a better boyfriend or husband? Does having six-pack abs give you the keys to success in all facets of life? Does having a so-called “perfect penis” make you the greatest lover? Hell no, on all fronts.
“The bottom line is that if a partner only wants you for your penis size, they ultimately don’t deserve you,” O’Reilly adds. “And people who complain or brag about penis size probably aren’t having the best sex.”
Good sex is about knowing where to touch what during the right time. But great—or, rather, nerve-tingling, body-spasming—sex requires presence, connection, and understanding specifically what your partner wants and likes, she says. Another truth you need to accept: “There’s no one-size-fits-all approach just as there’s no one-size-fits-all penis.”
Some women have the most intense orgasms from fantasy, others get off on risk or danger, and some can only climax when they feel safe. “I’ve met women who have orgasms from anal sex, a back massage, toe sucking, vaginal penetration, intense vibrations, and ear-kissing,” O’Reilly admits. “Experiences are so wide-ranging that if someone boils theirs down to penis size alone, they’re probably not being entirely truthful.” This also means you can’t rely solely on the routine sex you and your three-year-long girlfriend had to satisfy your new partner.
Getting comfortable in your own skin isn’t about your body—it’s all about your attitude about your body. Here are three simple ways to boost your happiness and confidence: 1. Hang out with people who are generally positive and happy. Cheesy but true, happiness is contagious; stay away from people who consistently complain about their bodies or their lives, O’Reilly recommends. 2. Work out. “It’s not about changing your body: The simple act of exercise boosts your mood, energy levels, and body image almost instantaneously,” she says. 3. Focus on your own pleasure—as opposed to just focusing on pleasing your partner, she adds.
Just as we erroneously assume bigger is always better, we often mistakenly regard deeper penetration as a universal ideal. The reality, however, is that shallow penetration can be more desirable for a number of reasons. Not only are the most sensitive nerve endings of the vagina located in the outer third of the canal (sometimes referred to as the orgasmic platform), but other orgasm hot-spots like the G-Spot and the frenulum of the penis light up with pleasure at a shallow depth. Try out the following positions which are designed for mind-blowing orgasms through controlled-depth thrusting. Check out the positions optimized for smaller guys from O’Reilly’s book The New Sex Bible.
1. T-BONE
“As your bodies form the shape of the letter “T”, this unique angle creates a sensation like no other with minimal exertion on your part—perfect for those lazy nights when you need your sexual fix, but don’t have the energy to hang from the chandelier,” O’Reilly says.
How to set it up:
– She lies on her back with her knees bent and feet spread apart, flat on the mattress.
– You lie on your side at a right angle to her body (to form the top of the T). From here, slide your body under the bridge of her bent legs so your pelvises line up.
– Have her press her hips up slightly so you can enter from beneath her. Rock and thrust in rhythm, and use your fingers to stimulate her clitoris.
How to change it up:
“A slight hip tilt by either partner can create a wave of new sensations as the head of your cock alternates between thrusting against her G-spot and pressing against her lower wall to provide anal stimulation,” O’Reilly says. You also benefit from the differing textures of her upper and lower vagina.
How to spice it up:
Have her cross her legs and squeeze. Not only will this awaken the core muscles involved in her orgasm, but it’ll create a tighter fit and create extra friction against your shaft.
2. ROCK AWAY
“A variation of the classic scissors position, Rock Away is the ideal rear-entry position for the often elusive mutual orgasm during intercourse,” O’Reilly says. You get a snug grip around your shaft and she benefits from a frenzy of friction against the entire length of her vulva, she explains.
How to set it up:
– Sit upright against a headboard or wall with your legs outstretched.
– She’ll lie on her left side in your lap with her butt pressed against your penis.
– Have her open her legs and slide her left side under your right leg to scissor it between her thighs.
– Leaning on her left elbow for support, she’ll slide back onto your cock while you guide her hips with your hands.
– She can move back and forth, round her hips in an elliptical motion, twist sideways with care, or slide up and down to grind against your pelvic bone for extra friction, O’Reilly instructs.
How to change it up:
“You can transition to the challenging Side-Saddle Cowgirl position if you lie back and she sits upright into a squat or half-split position,” O’Reilly says. Just note that this is a difficult move to perfect.
How to spice it up:
Rock Away leaves both of your hands and one of hers free to roam. “Take control by grabbing her by the hips or reach around to fondle her breasts and stroke her clitoris; or she can reach down to rub herself,” O’Reilly says.
3. TITILLATION
“This position is designed for uninhibited lovers and women who love to flaunt her assets,” O’Reilly says.
How to set it up:
– Lie on your back on the ground and pop your hips up, bringing your legs onto a couch. Since much of your weight is supported by your shoulders, you may want to place a few pillows beneath your neck and back for support, O’Reilly suggests.
– She climbs atop on all fours allowing her breasts to hang or press into your face.
– She can control the angle, depth, motion, and speed, as well as the degree of contact between your face and her chest.
How to spice it up:
She can take complete control and tie your hands above your head so she can tease you (i.e. slide onto just the tip of your penis). Or, you can focus your attention on her breasts or run a finger along her perineum.
4. UPRIGHT MISSIONARY
“The ultimate shallow-penetration position, Upright Missionary comes naturally and offers the benefits of intense eye contact, full upper-body views, and one of the tightest grips designed for bigger, better orgasms,” O’Reilly says.
How to set it up:
– Apply lube to her vulva and inner thighs.
– She lies on her back with her legs together and you kneel (or squat) on top of her.
– Hold the base of your penis as you slide inside her, while she squeezes her thighs together for extra friction.
How to spice it up:
Have her wrap her thumb and index finger around the base of your shaft, then move her hand in rhythm with your thrusts to form a human cock ring that’ll intensify your orgasm, O’Reilly says.
5. TAKE A SEAT
“This position is great for both clitoral and G-spot stimulation,” says Tristan Weedmark, We-Vibe’s Global Passion Ambassador.
How to set it up:
– Sit on a chair and have her straddle you for modified Girl on Top.
How to spice it up:
Use lube or a vibrating cock ring to add extra heat and stimulation.
6. LEGS UP
This modified missionary position will give you greater penetration and a deeper, fuller feel for her.
How to set it up:
– She lies on her back and rests her legs on your shoulders while you control the speed and depth of penetration.
How to change it up:
“Add a pillow under her back for extra leverage that better positions you to hit her g-spot,” Weedmark says.
7. COWGIRL
Cowgirl allows for deep thrusting and with her in complete control, she can hit the right angle and speed that feels best for her. Plus, cowgirl provides easy access for you to stimulate her clitoris.
How to set it up:
– Lie down or sit with your back against the wall while she straddles you, face to face
How to spice it up:
You’ve got a great view, but you also have two free hands! Tease her nipples, grab her hips, and use your thumb or hand to stimulate her clitoris.
8. CROSS YOUR HEART
“The tension caused by her crossed legs will make almost any motion pleasurable so have fun exploring,” suggests Weedmark.
How to set it up:
– Have her lie on her back with her knees at her chest and ankles crossed.
– Kneel in front of her and pull her hips toward you so your pelvises are aligned.
How to spice it up:
Alternate between this position and going down on her to perform oral to help take her over the edge.
How to Hit All the Right Buttons, Regardless of Size
“I really want to emphasize the benefits of using your hands, mouth, and toys for clitoral stimulation regardless of penis size,” O’Reilly says. “Because when you look at the data in terms of how most women reach orgasm, penis size is totally irrelevant,” she explains. So, if you want to get better at foreplay, follow these tips: 1. Ask your partner what she likes! “Simple multiple choice and yes or no questions should suffice: Here? There? Faster? Slower? Do you like that?,” O’Reilly suggests. 2. Learn more about the clitoral anatomy. “It’s not an elevator button,” O’Reilly says. It’s obviously incredibly sensitive, so be gentle and see what type of movements (and exactly where) get your partner going. 3. Pay attention to your partner’s reactions. Zero in on the sounds, movements, and follow her rhythm. If she winces, back off; if she’s moaning and bucking her hips, keep going. 4. Need more guidance? Check out O’Reilly’s webinar; it’s got over 30 techniques for oral/manual stimulation—all rooted in science.
