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The news in this article is predicated on one unsettling fact: It is possible to fracture your penis.
Done cringing yet? OK, good. Now let science tell you how to never, ever let this happen to you.
According to a study published in Advances in Urology, you are safer staying on top. That’s because the most dangerous sex position is cowgirl; researchers found nearly half of penile fractures in their data set came when the girl was on top.
From the study, as reported by the Telegraph:
“Our hypothesis is that when the woman is on top she usually controls the movement with her entire body weight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration, because the harm is usually minor in woman with no pain but major in the penis.”
If this ever happens to you, we suspect you’ll know right away. But here’s a description of the experience from researchers just to brighten your day. “Half of patients (50 per cent) were presented with the classical triad of an audible crack followed by pain.”
If you plan on staying off the injured reserve list, the study recommends sticking with missionary, which accounted for the fewest injuries.
So stay safe out there, fellas, because we suspect that’s a cast your buddies won’t want to sign.