You know not to tell your girlfriend that her butt looks big in those size-too-small jeans and you wouldn’t dare allude to how scary she is during that time of the month. But despite all of the female intel passed down from one generation of men to the next, a lot of dudes seem to be totally clueless when it comes to what’s kosher to say between the sheets.
Sex hormones can make you blurt out some crazy stuff—we totally get it. But there are some things that even the most laid back ladies won’t let slide. How can we be sure? Because we asked 17 women to reveal the very worst thing a guy has ever said to them during sex—and laid it all out for you here. (You’re welcome!) To ensure you don’t make a bedroom fumble you won’t be able to recover from, read on and find out what they said.
“There was one time that my high school boyfriend picked up the phone while we were going at it doggy style. Unless an Adele song is playing in the background, “Helloooo?” is the last thing I want to hear while doing the deed.” — Victoria, TX
2. “When’s the last time you worked out?”
“After I broke my leg in college, I put on a few pounds. And one night, while my (former) guy and I were having sex he said something like ‘make sure you always work out.’ Let’s just say he’s an ex-boyfriend for a reason.” — Meg, NJ
3. “Keep doing that, Sarah—I mean, Caitlyn.”
“During sex one of my ex-boyfriends called me by his last girlfriend’s name. That was a mood killer.” — Caitlyn, MI
4. “Hold on, it’s my mom!”
“One time my guy and I were in the middle of really hot sex when his phone started to ring. Apparently it was a special ringtone he had set up for his mom so he immediately stopped and told me to hold on so he could send it to voicemail. Talk about a major mood killer. The lesson here, guys: Make sure your ringer is off on date night!” — Steph, WA
5. “You look so sexy when you do that, Cuddle Muffin!”
“I once dated a guy who would always call me by my pet name when we were having really hot, kinky sex. Mind you, he called me Cuddle Muffin so it was really distracting and always ruined the hot vibes we had going on.” — Lauren, FL
6. “Can you remind me to pick up the dry cleaning after this?
“One time during sex with my boyfriend he kept rattling off items from his to-do list and asking me to remind him about them when we were done. Obviously, he wasn’t too focused on the fact that he had a naked girl in his bed. Maybe he just had a lot on his mind that particular day, but it was a huge blow to my self-esteem.” — Alexis, NH
7. “Do you wear a padded bra?”
“One of the first times I fully stripped down with my boyfriend, he said something along the lines of ‘They’re smaller than they look with your shirt on. Do you wear a padded bra?’ Way to knock a girl’s confidence, buddy!” — Abby, OR
8. “Where did the condom go?”
“In the middle of really hot doggy style sex with my college boyfriend, he suddenly yelled ‘Oh my god! Where did the condom go?!’ We searched for like ten minutes trying to find it with no luck.” — Danielle, OK
9. “You’re so sexy, baby!”
“I absolutely hate when guys I’ve just started to date say things like ‘Your so sexy, baby’ in bed. It seems so cliché and ungenuine, which totally turns me off.” — Jesse, NY
10. “Are you close?”
“While going down on me, my guy said, ‘Are you close? Just cum already.’ At that point, I told him to just give up. Mood = killed.” — Madison, NJ
“It was one of the first few times I was having sex with my then-new boyfriend, and I was on top. When I was getting close to the finish line, he yelled ‘Oh my god! What’s wrong?! Did I hurt you?’ I was about to have an orgasm and he mistook my “O” face for a wince. It was a really long time—like over a year—before I had the confidence to be on top again. If your girlfriend is in pain, she will tell you, guys. Trust me.” — Liz, AZ
12. “Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”
“I was dating this guy from my geology class in college, and after a few weeks, we finally slept together. Everything was going fine, until halfway through he stops and asks me not to tell anyone that we were having sex. When I asked why he said that he really wanted a serious girlfriend and he didn’t want word to get out that he sleeps around. I wanted to slap him across the face.” — Alyssa, MA
13. “Getting you in bed was easier than I thought it would be.”
“I had heard that this guy I was seeing was a total jerk but didn’t want to believe it. When we finally slept together he said to me, ‘Wow, getting you in bed was easier than I thought it would be.’ To make matters worse, he had one of those big red Easy Buttons from Staples next to his bed and he pushed that, too. When the button blurted out ‘That was easy’ I wanted to curl up and die right then and there. Needless to say, I learned the hard way how big of a jerk the guy really was.” — Alexis, ME
14. “Let’s make this quick, okay?”
“It’s so annoying when my fiancé tells me that he wants to rush through sex because he’s tired or needs to wake up early. It’s basically code for, ‘I need to get off and I don’t really feel like putting in the time to make sure you cum, too.’ No, thank you! That’s what your hand is for.” — Kayla, PA
15. “I love you!”
“Freshman year of college I was dating this guy, Ryan. The night we decided to exclusively date—which was a month or so after we met—we went back to his place and had sex. And right in the middle of it all, he called out, ‘Oh my God! I love you!’ Um, thanks? Needless to say, we ignored each other for the next three and a half years of school.” — Emily, WV
“Sometimes when my boyfriend and I have drunk sex he will ask if we can try certain positions that he use to do with other women. Nothing makes me more jealous and angry in the bedroom.” — Heather, CT
17. “Does that feel good?”
“I hate when a guy asks if what he’s doing to me in bed feels good. If you have to ask the answer is probably no. Thinking about all the ways I can get out of answering is really distracting and takes away from anything he’s doing right.” — Brittany, DE
