I was just sitting here a few nights ago with my girl and finally breathed a sigh of relief. It was about 11:30pm and I had just finished my shower after my second cardio, I had a bowl of protein pudding in front of me with NFL network on. I looked over at her and said, “I can finally open my eyes”.
She looked at me like I was retarded asking what I meant. Working with Chad is a different animal all together; it’s different than any other diet. Its very low carb and very low fat and according to Chad, the body will not lose muscle as easily as we all think.
When your body is running on fumes but you still have to do two cardio’s with a training session in the middle, it can get very discouraging. Thinking about doing the work or being conscious of it in a way makes it harder. So the only way I know how to describe my work ethic at this moment in time is, ‘eyes closed’.
I wake up, shower, and throw on my kicks and out the door to get on that stepmill. I don’t think about it, I don’t complain about it, I don’t bitch; I just close my eyes and go to work. After wards there is tanning, posing, grocery shopping, cooking and a host of other shit. Then back to the gym to train, kill that with all out intensity and then home to eat. Have a couple meals and then back to the gym for more cardio, still running on fumes.
After cardio I get home, jump in the shower, make my last meal and finally I can open my eyes again. I feel like each day is just molded into the next, they almost seem like a blur as I’m going through them. It doesn’t feel like reality until I let it, the end of the night when I have nothing left to do.
All that being said, you guys have to understand I love it! There is something rewarding about being able to look this shit straight in the face and take it on head first. Most people skip a cardio here or there, add some rice to a meal, use a little more ketchup or bbq sauce then they’re supposed to, not me. I don’t want to; in fact sometimes I take a few grains of rice out of my meals to make myself suffer more. I want to feel that shit. I want to know that I went to the end of the world to get my self in the best shape of my life and I have no one to blame but myself if it doesn’t happen!
The anger at myself for underachieving in my career has been fueling me like never before these last six or seven weeks. I know I have more than I have been showing up with and I want to bring to light. We all do it. We give half of ourselves, thinking it’s all we got but somewhere inside we all know we have more. There is more at that bottom of that pit in your stomach and if your not being a lazy ass and your being true to yourself, you will admit it!
This one is on me. I am digging deeper than ever before and I am not looking for top three, second place or a special invite to the Olympia. Right now I don’t care about the Arnold, the Olympia, anyone doing the show, or anything else remotely close to those things. The only thing that plays over and over in my mind when I’m smashing through cardio, when I’m hypoglycemic and feel like I’m going to fall over, when I want to sleep instead of get up and kill it, is one thing; bringing what I have seen in my mind as my best ever and finally winning.
