We want to let you in on a little secret: You’re a pretty good catch. You’ve got the body (or at least you’re working on it). Combine that with the right clothing, a killer job, and finally getting rid of those milk-crate bookshelves, and you’re golden.
There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to score with any woman you want. Even if she’s the quintessential model/academic/party girl who makes you stammer and blank out just thinking about her. But if that’s not the case, we’re here to help. Because no matter what type of girl turns you on, we’ve got a foolproof plan to get you into her panties.
The Uptown Chick About her: This clotheshorse is all about labels and expensive things, particularly jewelry that comes in a certain blue box. She reads fashion mags cover to cover, spends hours "just browsing" at designer boutiques, and prides herself on being a true style queen-meaning she can spot a Gucci knockoff from across the room.
How to get her: Alcohol and ego stroking. Start with the latter and compliment her on her impeccable style, paying particular attention to her $400 shoes. When planning your date, keep in mind this girl wants other people looking at her, so take her somewhere women will stare just as much as the guys. And since this is a gal with a taste for the finer things, save up for a few days so you can spend big. We’re talking a four-star joint (or at least somewhere with white tablecloths and napkin rings). Once she’s suitably impressed, it’s time to ply her with booze. No beer or shots for this girl. Stick with wine, and plenty of it. Ask the maître d’ to have a bottle uncorked and waiting at the table so you can get started right away.
The Academic About her: The perpetual student, this beautiful bookworm can hold her own whether she’s discussing Proust or Bush’s foreign policy. But all that knowledge doesn’t come cheap, which is why she’s also likely in debt and up to her neck in student loans. Not that she cares: For her, it’s the pursuit of knowledge that really matters.
How to get her: Form a meaningful bond. Before taking her out, buy the Sunday New York Times and study the Week in Review section like you’ve never studied before. And rather than taking her to see the new Adam Sandler flick, opt for the documentary du jour. (If it’s antiwar, anti-big business, or about dying humans or animals, all the better.) After the film, take her to a quiet coffee shop where the two of you can nestle into a giant, pillow-covered couch and get cozy. Ask for her take on the film, current events, or life in general. So what if you don’t really care what she has to say. Your goal is to look riveted by whatever it is she has to talk about. Don’t worry about remembering the details. "Really? Tell me more!" works just fine. The idea here is to draw her out and make her feel a connection-one that she’ll want to take to an even higher level later on.
The Model/Actress About her: Fiercely insecure, yet incredibly vain, Lil’ Miss Thing needs to be constantly reminded that she’s gorgeous, gor-geous, gor-ge-ous. Since her job is basically going to cattle calls for really tall, skinny girls, don’t be surprised to see her persistently fishing for compliments or posing to show off her "good side."
How to get her: Make the whole night about her. Whether you’re hitting the bar or a restaurant, don’t let the conversation veer off the subject for more than a second. Mark Young, Ph.D., professor of business and entertainment management at USC and the co-author of a recent study on narcissism and celebrity, advises figuring out the essence of the image or character she’s trying to portray and then encouraging it as much as possible. "Young models and actresses are ultimately propelled by feelings of vanity, superiority, and exhibitionism," he says. As long as you know that, you can’t go wrong.
The Green Girl About her: She’s an impassioned, nature-loving gal with a heart of gold. Between saving the earth and holding fundraisers for baby seals, she still finds time to volunteer at the local food co-op and clean up neighborhood parks. Recycling and organic? Two of her favorite words in the English language.
How to get her: Tie yourself to a tree to protest her favorite cause. Or at least slap an "I’d rather go naked than wear fur" bumper sticker on the back of your car-or your buddy’s Prius. Once you’ve won her over, keep things as natural as possible. Invite her hiking, or take her to pick apples or blueberries. (And for Pete’s sake, avoid the zoo! Those animals are in cages.) Wherever you go, when it comes to getting ready, avoid primping of any sort. Ditch the hair gel and stick with basic jeans and a tee. She’s not a fan of grooming products or shaving, and she doesn’t want you to be, either. On the upside, you can use the money you’re saving on toiletries to stock up on top-of-the-line cuts of steak and spareribs. After all, you’re going to need something a bit more substantial to eat after all those dates of soy and spirulina (don’t ask). Fortunately, that juicy slab o’ cow will taste all the more delicious after you’ve suffered through a half dozen wheatgrass shots.
The Girl Next Door About her: It doesn’t matter if you want to watch the game with the boys or have to go out and run errands with the fam, she’s happy either way. This girl is low maintenance and as sweet as apple pie. In fact, you can take this No Drama Mama anywhere without worrying-she has no trouble fending for herself. Just remember, whatever you’re doing now may indirectly set you up for a lifetime of barbecues and neighborhood bowling nights.
How to get her: Invite her to meet your kin. Since she’s a family- oriented girl, she’ll be smitten if you take her to your little brother’s baseball game or invite her to see your nephew’s school musical. She’s looking for someone as wholesome as she is, so keep sex talk to a minimum and tell her you think it’s honorable if she says she wants to save herself for marriage. Ultimately, the more you seem like ideal future-husband material in her eyes, the more willing she’ll be to chuck it all and finally get nasty.
The Tomboy About her: This girl is first to scream, "I’m in!" whenever there’s any kind of competition-whether it’s touch football, a hot-dog-eat-athon, or bungee jumping. Screw black-tie affairs or dirty dancing in the hottest clubs: Her idea of fun is beating you in a bout of arm wrestling or just screwing around and re-creating reality-show dares.
How to get her: Win her heart. Take her to a batting cage or head for the nearest mini-golf greens. Whichever you choose, make sure you compliment her on her swing or putt. Although you may be tempted to let her beat you at whatever game you’re playing, don’t do it automatically. She likes a good challenge, and there’s a chance she may just whip your ass. Besides, many of her best friends are bound to be guys, so the last thing you want is to look like a pushover in her eyes. Instead, just try to imagine yourself as her equal: the Mr. Smith to her Mrs. Smith. And hopefully, the Brad-and-Angelina steaminess will brew up from there.
The Party GirlAbout her: Like Tara Reid or Lindsay Lohan, you can spot this wild child by the smeared makeup and the wobbly walk in her three-inch heels. Although her knee-jerk response to everything is likely "Let’s par-tay!" (even if you’re just asking what kind of movie she wants to see), this girl is bound to be worth a few cheap thrills. Plus, if she’s anything like Tara or La Lohan, you’ll probably get to see her nipples pop out of her dress before the evening is over. But then again, so will everyone else.
How to get her: Out-party her. This girl knows all the hottest spots, so you’ve got to do her one better. Call a couple of trendy hotels in a neighboring town and ask the concierge where the most happening night clubs are on any given weekend night. Then take her to as many of those party locales as possible-ideally in a well-stocked limo. Since you’re removing her from her natural environment, there’s less chance of her running into friends or former flings who may divert her attention away from you. And since you’re still showing her a wild time and hopping from place to place, she’s bound to feel like the two of you are the life of the party.
The Career Girl About her: She’s got a continuous NASDAQ rating on her BlackBerry and looks at everything as a potential investment. Even you. Are you an asset or a liability? How will you age? What is your risk? She’s watching your career moves like a shark, so whatever you do, don’t get fired, or she may just decide it’s time to refinance.
How to get her: A polished presentation. Think of your first encounter not so much as a date but rather as a full-fledged job interview. Review your career highlights, throw on your sharpest suit, and tell her about your ultimate lifetime ambitions (as long as they don’t involve circuses, strip clubs, or any form of special risk insurance). Send flowers to her at work the next day, but under no circumstances call. That way, she can think about you all day without having you actually interrupt her work. For your next date, invite her to swing by your workplace for a quick lunch or happy-hour drink. Seeing you in a stable environment adds to your value in her eyes and makes you seem like a much more desirable acquisition.
The Pop-Culture Junkie About her: Gossip is the driving force in this girl’s life. She knows every character from every season of MTV’s Real World plus its spin-offs, she obsesses over the latest YouTube videos, and she knows more about Jessica Simpson than you know about your own mother.
How to get her: Join her world, no matter how much it pains you. Read her favorite tabloid (don’t worry, there will be few words and they won’t be big ones) and bookmark pinkisthenewblog.com so you always know which jerk Paris is screwing and have something to talk about. Since the latest, hottest things are really what matter to this girl, plan your date around some big spectacle-the release of a much-hyped new movie, a blockbuster celebrity concert, a night at home watching a major awards show. She’ll be so giddy by the time it’s over, you’ll barely have to make a move in order to turn on the charm.
The Girly Girl About her: This cutie adores pink cell-phone covers, Hello Kitty key chains, and outfits with a matching theme or color. Her favorite topic of conversation? Boys, although usually hairless heartthrobs whose songs you’ve never heard. New York City-based makeup artist Kian Stave has heard all these girls’ naughty stories firsthand while painting their faces. Her advice: "Remember, a girly girl does not date casually or adventurously, and she always plays by the rules."
How to get her: Steal from the movies. The ultrafem girl doesn’t just douse her body with a layer of glitter and strive to smell like vanilla. She also eats, sleeps, and breathes the pantheon of women’s lit: chick films, soap operas, and Oprah-all of which leave her crying at their sickly sweet tales or harsh warnings that all men are dogs. The only way you can possibly overcome this kind of force is to borrow from their pages. Take her to the county fair and win her a stuffed animal. Leave a bouquet of daisies outside her door, and she’ll think you’re the one. Have her meet you in some fantastical setting, such as the base of the Golden Gate Bridge, or Mount Rushmore, or whatever passes for a grand monument in your locale, and she’ll be ready to reenact the trashiest scenes from her favorite Harlequin romance.
