10 sex tips for when you’re feeling tired and lazy
So neither of you is in the mood for marathon contortionist coitus? Totally fine. With these positions and foreplay suggestions, you'll get off with very little effort—or become so turned on you'll forget all about being slothful.
And that’s totally fine. Seriously. After a long day, your girlfriend would like just as much as you to re-watch Stranger Things while swigging grocery store merlot and inhaling steamed dumplings on your futon.
You’re both feeling lethargic, not particularly motivated. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get some sexy time in…without leaving the couch or putting in a Herculean effort.
Because here’s the thing: What feels low-key to you is still enough to satisfy your libido and give your brain a happy, positive buzz, says sexologist Gloria Brame, P.h.D. “I strongly advocate for more affection, cuddling, making out, and not feeling pressured into thinking ‘sex means penetration,'” she says.
Intimacy (not just the act of intercourse) is becoming a lost art. When you’re preoccupied building a career and micromanaging your glossy social media presence, intimacy is quick to get hip-checked (research shows millennials have less sex than previous generations). Your romantic, movie-quality sexcapades are replaced by the occasional quickie and random-but-passionate romps for the sake of immediate relief.
“But over time, having sex in short bursts can actually dim your desires, especially if/when there isn’t enough foreplay,” Brame says. “Sex is an emotional experience, meaning it ideally elicits feelings of bonding, excitement, desire, even enthusiasm for your partner. And if you don’t maintain some low-level intimacy, you can develop a deficit that may grow into feelings of estrangement.”
To make sure that doesn’t happen, use these sex tips the next time you want to lay down some love while also lying down.
“In terms of penetrative sex, the best positions for low-key intimacy are ones that don’t put pressure on muscles and joints,” Brame says. These moves hit all the right marks…in every possible way.
Face-to-face. This position is perfect for when you’re both in bed together. (Or on the couch, depending on how big it is.) “Kiss and embrace while facing each other in bed, lying on your sides,” Brame says. Slowly penetrate her from the front, moving gently in and out, while she drapes her top leg over your hip.
Spooning. You’ll both begin lying on the same side with some space in between. Penetrate her, then have her roll into you to come into the tight-fitting “spoon” position. “For any rear-entry position, make sure to reach around to manually please her,” Brame says.
Anal. “If you’re both comfortable with anal sex, lube it up and go for anal penetration,” Brame suggests. The key is to take things very slowly. Start by teasing the area, then level up the intensity. You can stay on your sides or come up into a more traditional doggie style. “Again, don’t forget the all important reach-around to stimulate her nipples and clitoris,” Brame says.
Use pillows. After this trick, all her decorative pillows will seem anything but superfluous. Pick different sizes, and ones with varying degrees of fluffiness, to prop yourselves up for an ideal angle of penetration, Brame says. “When you’re on top, place pillows under her butt to elevate her hips to an ideal angle for penetration, and put ones under your knees so you can more easily plunge inside her without having to arch your back as much,” Brame suggests. Pillowing takes the strain off back and leg muscles that normally work hard to maintain the right position during sex.
Get a little handsy. “Learn to give each other simultaneous pleasure just using your hands,” Brame recommends. Go back to the basics—back to when you first started fooling around and weren’t having sex yet (only forget the ridiculous foreplay misconceptions you believed). “Face each other so you can kiss her and play with her nipples as you both use your hands to masturbate each other to orgasm,” Brame suggests. “You get all the benefits of intimacy (the powerful brain chemistry, the bonding, the closeness) without any exhaustive effort,” she says.
Employ your mouth. Oral sex may seem like a lot of work to you, but once you find the right position, it’s really only your head and tongue doing the manual labor. “Try kneeling on the floor, but don’t forget to add pillows and blankets to keep you comfortable,” Brame suggests. This works on the couch or in bed. “To avoid straining your neck, rest your cheek on her upper thigh,” she adds. This approach is way better than attempting to 69. By taking turns, you both get to focus entirely on your own climax, which can lead to faster, more satisfying orgasms—especially in women.
Rub one out. Just to be clear, we’re talking about massages. “A full-body massage can be the key to getting her relaxed and interested in sexual contact after a long, tiring day,” Brame says. To give the perfect massage, use oil to slowly rub, knead, and stroke her muscles. Start with her feet and work your way up. Consider it a warmup—sex without penetration that’ll probably lead to sex with penetration. Even if you’re not feeling particularly rambunctious, this teasing gesture will get your blood pumping in no time.
Get sexual on the sofa. “Sofa sex is best for low-key sex rather than penetration because most sofas are a little narrow or short for two full-size adults to fit comfortably—unless one is on top of the other one,” Brame says. And since that’s a little more than your lazy self is in for, use the couch to serve as your home base for foreplay. Cuddling and watching TV can turn to caressing and massaging, which can turn to kissing and dry humping. The possibilities are endless, people.
Just make out. Something as simple as kissing your girlfriend—not just a peck hello and goodbye—can keep your chemistry raging and the good times rolling. Go on and make out like two oversexed teenagers. “This has the extra benefit of keeping you both in the mood on a regular basis—or at least more in the mood for sex than usual,” Brame says. Consider it a gateway drug. You’re going to want a bigger, greater high, so kissing is a lazy way to get your energy up for sex.
Play some games. Fooling around should be fun. “Some people like to play strip poker in bed,” Brame says. Others play games—charades, anyone?—in the nude, or have extra rewards for getting answers right or the high score. “Maybe the best piece of advice is simply not to limit yourself when it comes to non-penetrative sensual fun,” she says.
Think of it this way: “Any time you’re naked and smiling with your partner, you’re having an intimate experience, which gives your brain that delicious low-key buzz of oxytocin, making you love the one you’re with just a little harder—even when your body is at rest,” Brame says.
