8 ways to have more and better sex in the new year

A little friendly competition never hurt anyone. A study published in the Journal of Comparative Psychology found that men have more sex—and better sex—when their partner is a guy’s girl instead of a girly girl. Why? Her guy friends are constantly on your mind. (Not literally, that would be weird.)

Researchers found that men are more sexually aroused by their partner if they suspect a greater likelihood of infidelity on her part. You’re driven to please her and vie for her attention, because she’s constantly in the presence of male counterparts who may also find her desirable. The threatening testosterone ups the ante and keeps you working to maintain relationship satisfaction—a win-win, really. Jealousy really can help your sex life.

You watch porn. No real secret there, but do you know if your girlfriend watches porn, too? Would you want to watch it with her? Your answer should be yes. Couples who have a television in their bedroom have sex twice as often as those who go TV-less. The reason: 37% of TV-watching couples scour listings for pornographic movies (during which nearly half have sex). Good job, you multitaskers. 

Unsure of how to bring this up with your girlfriend? Emily Morse, host of the podcast Sex with Emily, provides some tips on how to watch porn together:

– Ask, “want to watch some porn with me?”
Say that, and you’ll make the whole conversation a lot simpler and less stressful, Morse promises. “It doesn’t have to be a weighty discussion,” she explains. “Sometimes with sex conversations, the simpler, the better.” If your partner balks, just smile and tell her you think it’d be fun. Don’t push her, at least not at first. Let her think it over for a couple days. If she doesn’t bring it back up herself, she’ll probably show more interest when you mention the idea a second time, Morse says.  

– Find new videos together
“Some couples start by exploring sites aimed at women or couples until they hit upon genres or actors they feel comfortable watching together,” explains Debra Herbenick, Ph.D., a sex health educator at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. Both she and Morse recommend the site Good Vibrations After Dark (not safe for work!). “It’s a well-curated site, so you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into,” Morse says. Also helpful: Start by telling your partner what you’re into, Morse suggests. That will put her at ease to open up about her own interests. 

– Once the footage starts…
When the steamy vid starts rolling, a lot of couples can’t help jumping right into sex. “There’s nothing wrong with this strategy,” Morse says. “But it’s fun to also set some ground rules to keep things new and exciting.” She recommends agreeing to wait until the credits role or the scene ends before turning your attention to each other. “Delaying the act will make you both so aroused,” she promises. She also advises cuddling and caressing each other while you watch. Once you’ve got the hang of things, one of you could pleasure the other while the video rolls. Or you could try different rear entry positions so you can both watch while you have sex, Morse adds.  

– What to do after
Talk about what turned you on the most and what positions you’d like to try (or not try) the next time, Morse suggests. “This will also make it easier in the long run to talk candidly about your sex life, which is really important to maintaining passion and novelty,” she adds.  

Sex with someone new can go one of two ways: You’re either fumbling through foreplay, jerking awkwardly, and failing at nailing down any rhythm because you’re just focused on nailing her. Or you can have fun, uninhibited sex for hours on end because there aren’t any barriers walling up your spontaneity. Let’s always aim for the latter, shall we? 

To make sure you never lose that initial excitement, take this advice from Morse: 

“Sex is amazing at the beginning because there’s still mystery, excitement, and spontaneity, the foundation to keeping great sex alive. Planning things like date nights and new activities will help keep the relationship fresh, interesting, and sexy. And as unsexy as it sounds, set aside “sex time” for you and your partner to try new things. Make a sex bucket list of what you’d both like to try and cross something off the list every week or month. Be adventurous, be kinky, share your fantasies with each other and then make them happen. You’d be surprised what a new toy or change of scenery can do. Chances are the spark hasn’t actually gone out; it’s just that no one’s been fanning the flames.”

There are things in life that need warming up: cars in the winter, your muscles before a sprint, your dinner from the night before. But the most important is you and your lady before a romp around in bed. Here’s a rule of thumb (and tongue) to always abide by: take your time. Lora Somoza, Los Angeles-based sex expert and radio host says you must make her feel comfortable, otherwise she’s not going to enjoy it. And odds are, when you cater to her first, she’ll be more than willing to reciprocate the favor. 

Here’s a sneak peek of Somoza’s advice: 

Step 1. The comfort zone
The first thing to know about going down on your lady is that if she’s not relaxed, she’s not going to enjoy it. “One of the sexiest things a guy has ever said to me was ‘get comfortable,’” says Somoza.

Step 2. Perfect position
Your partner probably knows the position that’s most comfortable for her to be in, but if she’s open to suggestions, put a pillow under her butt to lift her pelvis up, which will give you great leverage—and make her feel fantastic. “Then, when she’s lying on her back, keep her knees wide,” says Somoza. “The wider she is, the more of an opening you have to work with.”

Step 3. Tease with your tongue
“You must start off in a teasing manner in the beginning. A slight lick of the tongue going up and down is good, licking the thighs at first and then slowly starting to move down, gaining intensity and speed,” she says.

Step 4. Listen up
One of the most important things you can do at this point read her body—and by that, we mean monitor her breathing, and pay attention to how she’s moving her hips. “You really need to learn how to listen to her body. If you’re not listening to how she’s responding, you might as well just be jerking off in the corner.”

Step 5. Embrace the vibration
Don’t be afraid of breaking out the vibrator! It can be an invaluable tool to the art of oral. The average woman takes 20 minutes to climax from oral sex, so you’re going to be there for a while. “Use something small and easily handled so you can still feel like you’re in control,” she says. “Put the vibrator on the clitoral hood, then spend some time with your tongue in the labia area.”

Step 6. The crescendo
“The build up should be like a crescendo. You need to start increasing pressure and increasing speed. Some women like a side-to-side tongue motion in the clitoral hood, while other women like an up-and-down rhythm,” says Somoza. “Judge your movement based on her response.” 

Step 7. The grand finale
When you feel like she’s getting close to her climax, continue what you’re doing! But—and here’s the disclaimer—she may not always come. It’s not a reflection of your ability. “Your only goal should be to make her feel good,” Somoza says. “One of the sexiest things about a man is when he acts like being between a woman’s legs is his favorite place in the whole wide world. A lot of what makes great oral sex is the attitude you show your partner.”

For the full version, see the best oral sex of her life.

If you want to look and perform at your best between the sheets, then you need to work on building up core muscle groups, not just your “show” muscles. Try our Better Sex Workout, a four-week program designed to get your upper back, glutes, and hamstrings in showmanship shape.  

Directions:

Perform each workout (Day 1, 2, and 3) once per week, resting a day between each session.

Time needed:

45–60 minutes

How to do it:

Rest only as long as needed between sets. You can perform the suggested conditioning routines at the end of each workout, or on days in between.

For all the details and the full workout, see the better-sex workout.

You know the basics, but odds are you haven’t taken the time to really hone your skills with every woman you’ve slept with. If you just assume the position and fire away, you’ll likely end up out of breath, covered in rug burns, and looking at an unsatisfied partner. Start 2015 with five sex-position tweaks to help her reach orgasm. With tips from Patricia Taylor, Ph.D., sex educator and author of Expanded Orgasm, the only place to go is up—down, behind, or in between. The choice is yours. 

1. Woman on top
You get a great view and women like this position because they’re in control of the speed of the thrusting and the angle. To make it even more intense, have her get on her knees while bending forward so she’s leaning toward your face, and then she can move in and out of you nice and slow. “This will help your penis hit her G spot while allowing her to angle her clit on your shaft as she uses her arms to hold onto you for balance,” Taylor says. This slightly shifted position allows her to move however she likes. 

2. Doggy style
When you enter her from behind, your penis is at an ideal angle to hit her G spot, so it feels even bigger to her. “The beauty of this move is that it also leaves her clit really exposed so it’s easy for you to reach around and stimulate her manually, or for her to touch yourself,” Taylor says. “This is important because only about 33 percent of women have orgasms during intercourse, but it increases to 50 percent when a woman’s clitoris is stimulated.” To make the move more comfortable, suggest putting some pillows underneath her stomach and chest for support, and keeping her legs out straight instead of bent as you enter her from behind, Taylor suggests. “This lets her fully relax so she can just take her time and savor the experience while still leaving her room to reach down and touch her clit.”

3. 69
Tweak this classic oral position by having both of you lie on your sides while scissoring your legs to give each other easier access to the goods. “This makes for a better angle for her to suck on your penis as you either lick her vagina or stimulate her with your fingers,” Taylor says. To make things earth-shattering, play around by touching her clit with a vibrator as she sucks you off. The latest gadgets go hi-tech by letting her adjust the intensity based on how hard she squeezes. One toy, the Limon, even has a record mode so she can save her favorite customized pleasure pulse that will get her off every time.  

4. Spooning
There are few things cozier than the spoon, so getting it on like this can boost her pleasure because you’re already in a bonding position—and feeling connected helps her climax. “She can be really orgasmic in spoon because when you’re both lying next to each other with you against her back, the angle of your penis will hit her G spot,” Taylor says. “Just be sure to go really slow to avoid slipping out.” To, Taylor suggests wearing a blindfold or using a tie of his to cover your eyes. “Turning off the visual cues temporarily encourages the sense of surrender into the experience to help her focus on deep feelings with no visual distractions,” Taylor says. “When this occurs, moans and groans register as more intense and intimate and add to the novelty. All this relaxation coupled with sensation can be a very hot and sexy experience.” Another way to up the thrills: Since your hands are free in this position and can loosely drape over her, play with her nipples to stimulate even more of her pleasure zones. 

5. Seated straddle
“Focus on your breath,” Taylor says. “When you’re having sex, you’re usually tensing and tightening up, but flowing your energy through your breath helps your body to expand and open.” There are two reasons this twist of coordinating your breathing works so well in straddle position: When you’re sitting face to face, you can look into each other’s eyes to feel even more connected, which boosts intimacy. Plus your chests are freer to expand without having the pressure on your bodies that naturally happens if one of you were lying down. Bonus: Inhaling deeply during intercourse increases oxygen and blood flow throughout the body, so she can hit her highest notes.

For the full article, go to 5 sex-position tweaks to help give her an orgasm tonight.

If you’re main concern is having more sex, and you’re more than willing, then you need to focus on your partner. Our sex expert Amber Madison answered one of the most pressing questions from our readers: What can I do to up my girlfriend’s sex drive? Here’s her advice:

First off, it’s important to know why her sex drive is likely to be sputtering in the first place: stress. When your girl is stressed out—whether caused by too much on her plate, trouble with work, something family- or friends-related, or even something in your relationship—her sex drive will plummet. So you need to locate the source of her stress and attack it head-on. If you’re not exactly sure what’s got her distracted, here’s your foolproof game plan:

When she gets home, tell her to sit down and unwind while you run an errand for her. If you really want to unburden her of stress, also do her laundry, wash the dishes in the sink, and tidy up the house. Then cook her a healthy meal that’s in line with how she likes to eat. (But beware of too many veggies, because you don’t want her to get gassy.) After you’ve given her 30 minutes to digest, and before she gets too tired, start kissing her and undressing her slowly. Don’t go anywhere near the bedroom, because she will associate that with sleep. So keep it on the couch or elsewhere—because the more sex feels like an escape for her, and the less it feels like something on a to-do list, the more sexy she will feel.

Good things may come to those who wait, but great things come to those who ask questions. Here are the seven conversations you need to have for a healthy, more fulfilling sexual relationship with your partner. 

1) The Test History Conversation
2) The Turn-Ons (And Turn-Offs) Conversation
3) The Frequency Conversation
4) The Fantasy Conversation
5) The Cheating Conversation
6) The Love Language Conversation
7) The Check-in Conversation

Want more than this teaser? Of course you do. Go to 7 must-have talks for a healthy sex life.