For you, receiving oral sex is dynamite. It’s hands down one of the most enjoyable, relaxing experiences you can have.

But for your girl? Not always the case. It takes her longer to get comfortable (let’s face it, it’s not the most flattering position), and revved up. You can’t expect 10 minutes of oral sex—especially a half-assed attempt—to rock her world.

Obviously every girl has a different set of preferences, but if you stick to our step-by-step guide, and avoid the oral sex misconceptions women hate, you’ll likely give her the best oral of her life. Read on to find out how.

5 oral sex misconceptions women hate

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Step 1. Make sure she’s in the comfort zone

The first thing to know about going down on your lady is that if she’s not relaxed, she’s not going to enjoy it. “One of the sexiest things a guy has ever said to me was ‘get comfortable,’” says Los Angeles-based sex expert and radio host Lora Somoza. “The woman can get really self-conscious over how long it’s going to take them to orgasm, and if she feels like she’s with some guy that isn’t in a rush, that’s incredibly sexy.”

Step 2. Find the perfect position

Your partner probably knows the position that’s most comfortable for her to be in, but if she’s open to suggestions, put a pillow under her butt to lift her pelvis up, which will give you great leverage—and make her feel fantastic. “Then, when she’s lying on her back, keep her knees wide,” says Somoza. “The wider she is, the more of an opening you have to work with. That helps with the sensation.” Somoza also stresses that the guy be comfortable too. “The guy may want to kneel on the bed with a pillow under his knees too, so he can just go to town.”

Step 3. Tease with your tongue

“You must start off in a teasing manner in the beginning. A slight lick of the tongue going up and down is good, licking the thighs at first and then slowly starting to move down, gaining intensity and speed,” she says.

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Step 4. Listen up

One of the most important things you can do at this point read her body—and by that, we mean monitor her breathing, and pay attention to how she’s moving her hips. Somoza says that if you’re doing something she likes, you’ll notice that she’s getting more turned on. “You really need to learn how to listen to her body. If you’re not listening to how she’s responding, you might as well just be jerking off in the corner.”

Step 5. Embrace the vibration

Don’t be afraid of breaking out the vibrator! It can be an invaluable tool to the art of oral.  The average woman takes 20 minutes to climax from oral sex, so you’re going to be there for a while. There’s no shame in implementing the help of a tried-and-true toy, suggests Somoza. “Use something small and easily handled so you can still feel like you’re in control,” she says. “Put the vibrator on the clitoral hood, then spend some time with your tongue in the labia area.”

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Step 6. The crescendo

“The build up should be like a crescendo. You need to start increasing pressure and increasing speed. Some women like a side-to-side tongue motion in the clitoral hood, while other women like an up-and-down rhythm,” says Somoza. “Some will be more into the clitoral hood and others will be more into the labia. Judge your movement based on her response.” But whatever you do, do not jab at her like a machine gun, mimic eating an ice cream cone or pretend you’re writing the alphabet with your tongue. (We hope you’d know better than that anyway).

Step 7. The grand finale

When you feel like she’s getting close to her climax, continue what you’re doing! But—and here’s the disclaimer—she may not always come. It’s not a reflection of your ability. “Don’t be so ‘goal-oriented’ and caught up in your own ego,” Somoza advises. “Your only goal should be to make her feel good. One of the sexiest things about a man is when he acts like being between a woman’s legs is his favorite place in the whole wide world. A lot of what makes great oral sex is the attitude you show your partner.”

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