Having spent considerable time in the gym in the pursuit of physical development, I’ve devised a random yet comprehensive list of problems I suspect might represent us all. Though I often use “you” to make a point, don’t take it personally. Or, maybe, do.

1. PURPOSE, THE LACK THEREOF

You’re lazy and unmotivated, without spirit or enthusiasm, and feel no excitement or desire. In the ’60s we said you were a bummer on a bad trip. Today I say you are without purpose. If your purpose were strong and well-defined, none of the aforementioned negatives would materialize.

2. DISCIPLINE, THE CALLOUS TASKMASTER

He insists, persists, and perseveres; he’s disciplined. She refuses to give up, makes no excuses, and endures the pain;  she’s disciplined. Love your discipline like a brother or sister, father or mother, spouse or best friend. Without discipline you’re out of control.

3. TIME, THE IMAGINARY GATEKEEPER

Get out your little black book.  Somewhere under “urgent appointments” write: Work out at the gym for the purpose of good health and muscle and long life; engage discipline and perseverance to perform the heroic physical act. Good! Done! Do not dillydally!

4. GYM FACILITY, INADEQUATE AND INCONVENIENT

Give me a clean gym with meaty equipment, sufficient space, enough people, no jerks, some jolt-free sounds, and plenty of air. Around the corner with a personal parking space out front would be nice, but I’ll go crosstown or walk if I have to. Anything worthwhile is worth working for.

5. TRAINING KNOWLEDGE AND METHODOLOGY

How do you design the workout scheme suited for your metabolism and genetic makeup and evolving lifestyle? You read the mags, reference the books, ask online, and guess a little. Beware! That might be mythology, not methodology. Think less; it thwarts focus. Work hard, apply common sense, but don’t take night courses in building muscles and power, biochemistry, or nutrition. Eat a lot of protein and get plenty of sleep instead.

6. EATING RIGHT OR MENU, DIET, AND NUTRITION

You know what to do—you just don’t want to do it. High protein, medium low-glycemic carbs, and medium essential fatty acids. No bad, greasy fat. Lots of fruits, vegetables, and water. Smaller meals throughout the day. Be consistent.

“A PERSONAL TRAINER WITH MUSCLES, EXPERIENCE, HUMILITY, COMPASSION, AND CONVICTION, AND WHO SPEAKS KINDLY AND WISELY CAN BE WORTH HIS OR HER WEIGHT FOR THREE ONE-HOUR TRAINING SESSIONS AND AN OCCASIONAL FOLLOW-UP CONSULTATION.”