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“I really love morning sex, but she says she’s not awake enough to ‘feel sexy’ yet. Plus, she’s thinking about the day ahead. Is there anything I can do to get her more into it?” — Sal F., Miami, FL
There absolutely is. Sex is reciprocal, so find out what she wants—she’ll be way more eager to please you if you’re meeting her needs.
Is there a certain time she does like to have sex? Be sure she gets it. Is there something non-sexual she’d like? Do it. Get up early and make breakfast, or pack her lunch. Crossing items off her a.m. to-do list may help her relax.
And remind her she looks beautiful without makeup—it may help her enjoy the moment. — Moushumi Ghose, pyschotherapist and sex therapist
Guys are usually more into morning sex, as testosterone levels are often higher then, leading to “morning wood.”
But it can be hard for couples to enjoy sex at a time one of them finds uncomfortable.
So you may have to accept that she’ll never be as into it as you are—she’s wired differently physically. — Michael Aaron, Ph.D., psychotherapist and sex counselor
If she doesn’t like sex before she’s brushed her teeth, try not to kiss her. If she doesn’t feel attractive, nuzzle her behind the ear, rub her back—things that might relax and arouse her.
Also: Suggest having a quickie one or two mornings a week when there’s more time, with no pressure on her to come, or the understanding you can each do what it takes to get off quickly.
Finally, get to bed early—if she’s tired, don’t expect her to jump up and down for you at dawn. — Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., psychotherapist and sex therapist
Assuming she’s awake and consenting (that’s literally why I agreed to do this column, to spread the gospel of consensual sex), but she’s just not in the mood, start by trying regular foreplay: Whisper sweet nothings in her ear, touch her softly, offer to help her move…
If that doesn’t work, why not become nocturnal, and sync it so you wake up when she is in the mood? Then you can have all the “morning” sex you want! — Jena Friedman, writer and stand-up comic