PROBLEM: Someone asks you out, 
via text, and you’re 
not interested. Do
 you respond or
 give the person the 
silent treatment?

actually prefer to be 
lied to. Write back:
 ‘Sorry, can’t do dinner tomorrow. I’m 
leaving on a secret
 mission with the space program! When I return to Earth, I will have barely aged at all, but you’ll be 78 years old. I just don’t think it’s a good time for me.'”

We Asked 100 Women: Have You Ever Secretly Read Your Boyfriend’s Texts or Emails? >>>

PROBLEM: You’re leaving the country, and you forget to call your girlfriend to say goodbye. Later, you tell her you were busy packing, but she doesn’t buy it: On Instagram your friend posted a picture of you playing with a vintage Polaroid camera before the flight.

AZIZ SAYS: When Valentine’s Day rolls around, ask if she remembers the incident, and then say: “Well, the reason I was doing that is I bought you this nice vintage Polaroid camera and I was just making sure it worked before I gave it to you.” Ansari did this with 
his actual girlfriend, and she felt horrible.
 “It was the greatest Valentine’s Day gift I’ve ever received.”

PROBLEM: You stay out at bars until 4 a.m., worried that if you go home, you’ll miss that magical woman who shows up at 3:35 a.m.

AZIZ SAYS: When you hit 30, “you realize how fruitless trying to find love by barhopping can be. You know statistically the smartest thing for you to do when you walk into a bar is go to the bathroom, jerk off, and leave.”