News flash: Most guys who claim to be excellent at oral are actually enthusiastic amateurs. So says Emily Dubberley, co-author of The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Sex Techniques for Men and Women. While passion is great, she says, lapping at the speed of light, burying stubble into a woman’s nether regions, or sucking hard enough to unclog a drain doesn’t usually, ahem, go down well. “Women tend to prefer gentler treatment, particularly at first,” she says. Her advice:

STOCK UP ON GILLETTE
A good shave is a must. Otherwise, she thinks of you as sandpaper, which works only if she is very kinky.

START OFF SOFTLY
Begin around the labia and clitoral hood (just above her über-sensitive clit). Tease her until she begs for more and pushes into your mouth.

DON’T FORGET TO USE YOUR FINGERS
Just because it’s called oral, it doesn’t mean that a bit of keyboard action on her G-spot won’t make her sing.

TAKE YOUR TIME
Looking up after one minute saying, “Is that enough yet?” won’t win you any awards. Enjoy yourself and stay there until she’s utterly sated.