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“Our sex life has gotten a little boring, so I’m thinking of spicing it up by renting a hotel room for a night for a change of scenery. Is that a good idea or just sleazy? And any suggestions for things to do there—hot tub, rose petals in the bed…bondage?” – Jake L., San Diego, CA
Dr. Michael Aaron, Ph.D., psychotherapist/sex counselor: I don’t think renting a room is sleazy at all. In fact, a change of scenery is one surefire way to add novelty and create some sparks, since your bedroom may have already begun to be associated with domesticity and routine.
As for what you do there, check in with your girlfriend to see what she wants. Maybe you require a little more adventure than she does—and that’s OK. A solid relationship can work through these kinds of discrepancies.
Moushumi Ghose, M.F.T., psychotherapist/sex therapist: While all these ideas sound enticing, you still might end up bored. Lust and passion take a dip after the first few years of a relationship; it’s having a true connection that drives a couple to feel pleasure. Which really just means it has to be a two-way street. Is she as into the sex as you are? If she’s not, you’re going to stay bored. That doesn’t mean the relationship’s over, but that it might need more than just a little spicing up. So focus on rebuilding intimacy, bonding, and heart-to-heart communication first. Then rent that hotel room.
Jena Friedman, writer/stand-up comic: I don’t think a hotel room is sleazy. Then again, maybe sleazy is what she’s into. So how about a motel instead? Bedbugs, black velvet oil painting of Elvis, gas station prosecco, other people’s bodily fluids, what could be more romantic? You’ll never know unless you try.
Jokes aside, instead of worrying about your boring sex life, you should applaud yourself for sticking it out—most people leave relationships once they get even a little stale, so that’s a huge achievement. So give yourself a break and take her out to celebrate: Steal a car, head to Tijuana, get arrested, and land yourselves in a Mexican prison cell—talk about a change of scenery.