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A girl walks by and catches your eye. Your buddies next to you are quick to chime in with all of the reasons that you should go for it. Chat her up, buy some drinks, and take her back to your place. You’ve done it before and certainly can do it again.
What you friends aren’t telling you are all of the reasons (other than potential STDs) why you shouldn’t have sex with her.
So, we’re here to shed some light on why you should hold off before the room goes dark, your clothes come off, and it’s too late.
If you’re looking for someone to settle down with, having sex with her the first chance you get probably isn’t the best idea, according to Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz. “It’s easy to find someone you find attractive enough to sleep with; it’s hard to find a partner that you think you can call a partner,” Katz says. “Given that most people hop into bed first and then ask questions, why not just reverse the process? Go out on 5-6 dates, enjoy some foreplay, and when you think you’re ready to be in a relationship, then you have sex.” So, before you end up between the sheets with the next girl you meet, figure out if you’re looking for a one-night stand or a “One Life Stand” as the British band Hot Chip sang about.
If Wedding Crashers taught us anything, it’s that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are one heck of a comedic duo. If it taught us anything else, it’s that you must avoid Stage Five Clingers at all costs (and sleeping with tons of women just for the sake of sleeping with women will probably leave you feeling empty inside). “If she’s needy, she’s going to be sucking your energy like a vampire,” Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt says. “If she’s too into you, that’s not healthy either [and she may be] after other things.” You’ll also never be able to leave her because she will find you…
How well do you actually know this girl? Is she single, married, in an open relationship, or you have no idea? “I’m always in favor of honesty and transparent communication in relationships,” says Michael Aaron, Ph.D., a New York-based sex therapist in private practice. Rather than being the person who destroys someone else’s relationship, it’s in your best interest to find out as much information as you can about the person you’re about to sleep with before you unzip your pants.
Just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean that you’re instantly ready to have sex. “People should never feel that they need do anything that they don’t feel comfortable with, no matter how much attraction is there,” says Aaron. Sometimes guys prefer to take their time or are unsure of the woman they’re dating. If you’re hesitant, it’s ok to tell her you want to get to know her a bit more before going there. In fact, that may even score you bonus points.
Sometimes guys sincerely aren’t sure what they want or have trouble expressing it. Other times guys know exactly what they’re looking for and are willing to do or say anything in order to achieve that goal. “If the guy is acting like he is interested in a serious commitment, I would imagine it would be very painful [for the woman] if he suddenly changed his tune right after sex,” Aaron says. “To simplify things, you can never go wrong by just being a decent guy. Don’t lie. Don’t use people.” Easy enough.