“My girlfriend is good friends with an old boyfriend. She sees him sometimes for dinner—just the two of them. She swears it’s nothing romantic… Should I be worried?” — Matt T., Philadelphia, PA
Jena Friedman, writer/comic: Should you be worried? Yes, always and about everything—except for this. From ISIS to Donald Trump, there are plenty of things to keep you up at night, but whether or not your girlfriend still has feelings for her ex shouldn’t be one of them.
Why? For one thing, because even if she does, there’s nothing you can do about it. Not. A. Thing. (I get paid by the word.)
But probably what’s really going on is that she enjoys having dinner with him because she was never in love with him to begin with and likes that he always pays—I’m speaking from experience.
So be careful not to over-involve yourself in this, as anything you do to try to limit the time she spends with him will come across as controlling and insecure.
Bottom line, she clearly likes you. And there’s a reason she’s not still dating her old boyfriend—maybe it’s because he wouldn’t let her stay friends with her exes?
Dr. Michael Aaron, Ph.D., psychotherapist/sex counselor: The most important thing to ask yourself is, do you trust her? If you don’t, why? Has she given you reason to lose trust? If you do trust her, this insecurity must come from your own internal issues.
Either way, I’d see it as a possibility for growth rather than a problem—an opportunity to work through some sticking points and (if possible) patch up ruptures in trust in your relationship. Dr. Aaron.
