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She leans towards you when she speaks, laughs at all your jokes, and doesn’t take eight hours to text you back, so it’s not far-fetched to assume that it’s only a matter of time before you get her into bed. But before you unzip your pants, we suggest taking the time to look for some telltale signs the sex isn’t going to be worth your while. If you’re sitting there thinking that bad sex is better than no sex, stop and really think about that for a minute.
Last we checked, hardly anyone wants to sleep with a stage five clinger or a chick that’s selfish in bed. To help you steer clear of the girls who are bound to break your heart, we asked Dr. Seth Meyers, psychologist and author of Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve, what warning signs to look for before jumping into bed with a new chick. Read on to save yourself some serious headache and regret.
When a chick expresses doubt that you’ll keep asking her out, it’s safe to assume she’s going to become clingy after you seal the deal, warns Meyers. The reason: Women produce more oxytocin (the bonding hormone) during sex than men. So if a woman’s already feeling shaky about the relationship, there’s a very good chance she’ll become attached after you sleep together. If you’re totally into her, don’t sweat it. But if you’re looking for something casual you might want to bow out before taking her to bed.
What’s worse than a chick that won’t sleep with you? A girl that’s totally down to do the deed, but isn’t interested in making it pleasurable for you. The best way to find out if she’s selfish in bed before you go all the way? Pay attention to what she’s like when things get hot and heavy. “A woman who’s selfish in bed will be passive during other sexual experiences [like making out, or fooling around] and she won’t initiate behaviors or spend too much time on things that will make you feel good,” explains Meyers.
On the flip side, if you consider yourself to be adventurous in bed, you might not want to put in time seducing a woman that’s reserved between the sheets. “A woman who’s prudish will fight your touch when you’re kissing and fooling around. She may also feel uncomfortable talking about sex,” says Meyers. Granted, if you ask any women personal questions about her sex life too early on in the relationship, she’s apt to raise an eyebrow. But if your questions are somewhat reasonable and not completely creepy, she should be fine responding after you’ve gone on a few dates. If she gets noticeably uncomfortable that’s a signal she’ll probably be shy in bed, too.
You’re not typically the sappy type, but after being set up with your buddy’s co-worker, you’re starting to feel like she might be serious girlfriend material. The only problem? Your friend say’s she’s not the kind of women to settle down. To avoid getting hurt, Meyers suggests asking her what she’s looking for before unzipping your pants. “Never let anyone tell you, ‘Well, of course, I want a relationship eventually.’ The point isn’t about what a woman wants in the future; it’s about what she wants and is ready for now.” If you’re not both on the same page, you’re apt to get hurt, so it’s better that you don’t sleep with her and cut your losses.
Ask any dude who’s ever gotten involved with a chick who’s hung up on her ex and he’ll likely tell you that it’s so not worth it. One second she’s fine, the next she’s an emotional mess. And then there are women who just want to sleep with you to piss off an old flame—not a situation you want to get yourself involved with. “Sadly, there’s no easy way to tell whether someone you’re dating is still into their ex. You can ask, but you likely won’t get an honest answer because often, they don’t even want to admit to themselves that they’re still hooked,” explains Meyers. However, if she still talks about her ex or has his belongings, there’s a good chance she’s not as ‘over it’ as she claims.