Don’t try this at home. In fact, don’t try this anywhere.

1. Bedroom Gym FAIL

Fact: 98 percent of all amateur workout videos are recorded by guys in their underwear. Why? Who knows why anyone does anything? Why didn’t this guy stabilize this door with a couple of doorstops and some cinderblocks? He does understand how doors work, right? The basic function of a door is that it both opens and closes. It is not, by nature, a stable barrier. And that ladder—it’s designed to support weight vertically, not horizontally. This guy is a Darwin Award waiting to happen. But let’s not be too hard on him. Give it up to homeboy for trying to turn his room into a Gold’s Gym—hey, we were all 15 once—but there’s a way to do it where you don’t end up on your ass.

2. Garage Heroes

Yo, bro, you know what sucks? Regular sit-ups. Regular sit-ups are for lightweights. I need core! I heard there’s this tandem sit-up that we could crush together! You and me, bro. Yo, turn the music UP. UP! OK, let’s do this. Ahhhhhhh!!!! I’m ready, I’m ready. I’ll grab the garage door and swing my legs up on your shoulders. Then you lean forward, and I’ll kill these sit-ups on your back while you slay some abs. We’re going to look bad-ass. Yes, the camera is on because this one’s for the history books. God, I hope some honeys walk through this cul-de-sac RIGHT NOW. Ready? And one…and…bro!…you gotta lean forward, bro!!!

3. I Meant to Do That

Naturally the Russian judge gave him a perfect 10.0.

4. Moby Dick in 17 Seconds

Hang around the gym long enough, and you’re bound to pick up good fitness advice—when to work out, what to eat, how to achieve proper lift technique and where to put the fish tank. You know—the basics. Unfortunately, fish tank placement is so often overlooked by kids today. Back in the 1970s your home gym wasn’t a home gym unless it had shag carpeting, Kiss on the 8-track, a disco ball and floor-to-ceiling fish tanks. Dudes back then knew you always kept the fish tank in front of you, the better to get your zen on, and also so you don’t kill your fish like this guy.

5. A Low Note–XBsiN_M

You have to applaud this guy. He’s a little paunchy—probably throwing down too many late-night brews and “fourth meals” at Taco Bell. But he’s trying to get in shape. Maybe it’s a little weird that he’s videotaping himself doing something as lame as lat pulls, but whatever. He’s trying to make it happen, and if having the camera rolling gets him juiced for a good pump, then more power to the guy. Here’s the problem. The guitar, the bandanna, the poor form—this is a guy who plays by his own rules. When others zig, he zags. It’s OK to be rebellious, Rock ‘N Roll Johnny, but rebelling against the idea of safely keeping dangerous exercise equipment away from your face will only lead to a fail solo.

6. Mom!!!

The only way this could be better is if the mom picked up the weights, threw them on the rack and muttered, “I have no son.”

7. The Sea Was Angry That Day, My Friends

7. Two guys jogging on the beach—just like Apollo and Rocky in “Rocky III.” Is there a better way to end the day with a workout buddy? Not really. It’s perfect—the movement of your body, the smell of the sea, the sound of the ocean and the sun on your face. But there’s one crucial moment that was left on the cutting room floor from the “Rocky III” workout montage: the scene where Balboa and Creed carefully study local tidal charts. Jogging on the beach is all fun and games until the tide comes in suddenly and threatens to sweep you out to sea before you can fight that guy from “The A-Team.” Rocky and Apollo did their research, consulted with local fishermen and also made sure they ran next to a clean body of water that doesn’t look like it was just run through an industrial washing machine. Running on the beach—it’s tougher than you think.

8. Olive Oyl Would Be Impressed

Hi, I’m a giant man with a huge gut, and I’m looking for a workout that will simultaneously thicken my chest while also toning my abs, which were last seen in 1992. I want to be able to throw a lot of plates on the bar so it looks like this workout is quite impressive in case there are any sweet ladies around. Heads up: I don’t actually like using my arms for lifting. I’d rather bounce the weights off my massive belly in a comical fashion. I’m really trying to sculpt and tone my way towards the Bluto look—you know, the guy from “Popeye.” Whadda ‘ya got?

9. Pilates Fail

Oh, and I suppose you’ve never had a Pilates machine try to eat you?

10. Listen to Me Now and Hear Me Later

This gentleman has the right idea. You want to look like the best, then you must go to the best—Arnold Schwarzenegger. This chair push-up really will give your chest the ultimate stretch, but you have to do it right. This guy is clearly unfamiliar with the basic laws of physics, one of which is, “To tip something over, push down on its side.” If this was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie it would be called “The Chair Terminator” or maybe “Chair Lies” or definitely “Conan the Bar-chair-ian.”

Joe Donatelli is a freelance writer. You can follow him @joedonatelli.