You landed a date. Congratulations. Clearly you at least sparked some interest and maybe even turned her on. But, you can just as easily turn her off. There are certain things that just kill pretty much any woman’s libido.

And you can unknowingly be doing those things during dinner conversation, at the movies, over the phone, over text, and more. The good thing is that women aren’t shy about disclosing what, exactly, turns them off—maybe not to you, but definitely to their girlfriends. We know because we asked 20 real women for the traits they find most unattractive in a man. Read the list and do some self-reflection. There are some clear common threads here (arrogance, bad hygiene), and some surprises.

20 things that 20 real women say make you less of a man

20 things that 20 real women say make you less of ...

We asked 20 real women—here are their surprising responses.

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“Cockiness. You could be the smartest, wealthiest, best-looking man, but if you can’t stop talking about yourself, it’s not going to happen.” – Christina W.

“Douchiness. You don’t need to upstage everyone or talk non-stop (especially about yourself.)” – Heather A.

“If they’re conceited, I’ll move on quickly.” – Eliza J.

“When a man is a complete d-bag, too self-absorbed, and too self-centered to put you, his girlfriend, before himself. A man who puts down women to make himself feel better, or feels like one woman isn’t enough. A man who isn’t honest and doesn’t communicate well.” – Lucia R.

“A complainer. Can’t think of anything I find more unattractive than someone who complains. Especially when they do nothing to fix the situation they are complaining about. Keep it to yourself and if it’s something that bothers you that much, do something about it. Everyone is given the same life, you have nothing to complain about. Fix what’s bothering you!” – Ariana I.

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“Laziness. And not in the hang-out-and-watch-Netflix sense, but more in the okay-with-getting-by-on-the-bare-minimum-amount-of-effort way.” – Marie S.

“Men who are self-centered are sooooo unattractive. There’s nothing wrong with being confident and talking about yourself, but if you dominate the entire conversation and make it all about you, no one is going to want to stick around.” – Victoria C.

“Cockiness. Anyone who thinks they’re better than anyone else or seems entitled is unattractive and immediately loses my respect.” – Alyssa D.

“Arrogance is the worst character trait a man can have in my opinion. While confidence is key, being arrogant or cocky is such a turn off. On the flip side, a man with no confidence who doesn’t take charge in the right situations is equally unattractive. (It’s a thin line to walk, no?)” – Abby G.

“Bravado: I can ascertain for myself if you are a great guy, I don’t need you to tell me.” – Noelle A.

“I cannot stand when guys have an air of entitlement about them. I don’t care how good looking some people think you are, where you’re from, or how much money you may have, people are people and they should all be treated the same regardless. Acting like a dick won’t get you anywhere in life… or with me.” – Sam M.

“When they feel like they can just touch you, like they are physically entitled. If someone is all over me and I’m clearly not into it, it’s so uncomfortable and obnoxious. It’s like an ownership thing. And when you tell someone you don’t want to see them again, and they don’t take no for an answer—it’s not romantic, it’s harassment.” – Anne K.

“Thinking he’s better than everyone else. I want someone who’s confident, but he can’t go putting everyone else down in order to elevate himself. To me, that bumps him to the bottom of the list.” – Annie C.

“No drive or passion. Lazy and cheap men.” – Esther L.

“If a man has poor hygiene, it is by far the most unattractive trait you can have. Also, always being irresponsible is a huge turn off.” – Michelle S.

“When a man is cheap and undependable in a relationship, it’s not reassuring.” – Gabriella D.

“Disrespectful men who don’t listen. Guys who care more about themselves than others. And guys who are rude.” – Claire P.

“An immature man who lacks confidence.” – Heather K.

“Being a slob. I remember one time a guy I was hooking up with ordered drunk pizza, and proceeded to eat it out of the box while lying in bed. I was drunk too, but still disgusted…” – Athena L.

“A man who is too full of themselves and is rude.” – Shannon T.