“What can I say to a woman during sex to really turn her on?” — John R., Westchester, NY

In terms of pillow talk, context is key. For example, is she a one-night stand? A third date? A girlfriend you’d like to spice things up with?

With a woman you don’t know well but want to see again, I’d err on the side of caution. Steer away from anything too vulgar, unless she initiates it. Nothing’s less sexy than hearing the word “cock” come out of the mouth of a guy you’re just getting to know—makes him seem like he’s too into porn.

Start with something like, “You’re beautiful.” Ugh, I just got cheese chills writing that, but lots of women do like it. If you’re feeling ballsy, add, “…even more beautiful than my ex—who died in a plane crash.” Is that too dark? It’ll totally get her going, especially if it’s true!

Or consider this: One of the sexiest things a guy ever said to me was during foreplay, and by foreplay I just mean a moment we weren’t in bed. I was upset about a rough stand-up show I’d just come off, so he pulled me close and whispered, “You were brilliant up there, don’t let those assholes get you down.” That was a bigger turn-on than anything else he could have said between the sheets.

So you can’t lose by saying you genuinely support her—and maybe that she’s prettier than your dead ex. Hope that helps.

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