“Everything is about sex—except sex.” Oscar Wilde nailed it, literally (the man’s inability to keep it in his pants got him thrown in jail). You may be smarter than that, but don’t get cocky: Everything we do as men, even when we don’t realize it, is part of a primal, subconscious ploy to get some.Chasing skirts (or loincloths) has been in our DNA since before men started reasoning with the fairer sex and would instead just club them over the head. The cruel irony these days, of course, is that when you do finally convince a woman to come back to your man cave, you are so preoccupied—a looming deadline, the money you still owe for that bet you don’t even remember making—that it’s increasingly difficult to focus on the task at hand, assuming your stressed-out anatomy lets you get that far.Relax. You’re not broken. “It’s normal to feel pressure about sex as a guy,” says dating expert and author Amber Madison. “You have a lot on your plate. You have a lot of responsibilities.” Working hard, however, shouldn’t prevent you from playing hard. Luckily, freeing yourself from bedroom A.D.D. is easy. 5 Simple Tips to Better Sex >>>
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Disconnect
Maybe you love your job, maybe you loathe it, but unless you’re in the same line of work as Dirk Diggler, it has no business in your sex life. Going dark for a few hours in the evening won’t get you fired, and it’s a great way to cut out distractions. “Think of sex as the one thing you’re going to do for yourself all day,” Madison says.
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Pregame
A Czech survey published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women’s ability to reach orgasm is more about the duration of intercourse than foreplay. (The ideal feature presentation runs 16.2 minutes.) Still, women stateside aren’t keen on skipping the previews. Take advantage of foreplay to heighten her arousal and help you get in the zone at the same time. “If you go straight from walking through the door to having sex, your mind doesn’t have a lot of time to adjust,” Madison says. “Spend 10 to 15 minutes kissing each other and teasing each other. That will help you get more focused on what you’re about to do.”
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Engage All Five Senses
When you pay attention to what’s going on around you (or under you), it’s hard for your brain to dwell on internal thoughts. “Thinking about what you’re doing is going to help you stay aroused and make sex more fun and more relaxing, instead of just another item on your to-do list,” says Madison, who offers up a simple yet effective method. “Ask yourself, ‘What am I hearing right now, what am I seeing, what am I feeling?’”
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Focus On Her
Think your slow start in bed makes you a unique (albeit melting) snowflake? Not so much. Chances are she’s going through something similar—you’re just too busy thinking about yourself to realize it. “I hear a lot of women say that sex can start to feel like a chore,” Madison says. “They say, ‘When we’re having sex I’m thinking about how many calories I ate that day or what my boss said at work.’ It’s the exact same thing where people are having sex but their mind is somewhere else.” Bring her attention back to the present, and yours will follow.10 Adventurous Sex Moves to Try Tonight>>>
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Do It In The Kitchen
Your bedroom is a minefield of mojo-murdering visual cues. Things like your alarm clock, briefcase or laptop can remind you of a meeting or unsent e-mail, or, worse, a prior mattress malfunction. Luckily, a change of scenery may be all you need to get your head back in the game. “You hear about people who get off on having sex at the Mile-high Club,” Madison says. “I can’t think of a worse place to have sex than in an airplane bathroom. But what’s exciting about the prospect is that you’re not supposed to be having sex there. That’s why having sex in offices, in the kitchen, on the dining-room table—all of those types of locations—can be very exciting, because they’re not necessarily places you would normally have sex.”
“Everything is about sex—except sex.” Oscar Wilde nailed it, literally (the man’s inability to keep it in his pants got him thrown in jail). You may be smarter than that, but don’t get cocky: Everything we do as men, even when we don’t realize it, is part of a primal, subconscious ploy to get some.
Chasing skirts (or loincloths) has been in our DNA since before men started reasoning with the fairer sex and would instead just club them over the head. The cruel irony these days, of course, is that when you do finally convince a woman to come back to your man cave, you are so preoccupied—a looming deadline, the money you still owe for that bet you don’t even remember making—that it’s increasingly difficult to focus on the task at hand, assuming your stressed-out anatomy lets you get that far.
Relax. You’re not broken. “It’s normal to feel pressure about sex as a guy,” says dating expert and author Amber Madison. “You have a lot on your plate. You have a lot of responsibilities.” Working hard, however, shouldn’t prevent you from playing hard. Luckily, freeing yourself from bedroom A.D.D. is easy.
Maybe you love your job, maybe you loathe it, but unless you’re in the same line of work as Dirk Diggler, it has no business in your sex life. Going dark for a few hours in the evening won’t get you fired, and it’s a great way to cut out distractions. “Think of sex as the one thing you’re going to do for yourself all day,” Madison says.
Pregame
A Czech survey published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women’s ability to reach orgasm is more about the duration of intercourse than foreplay. (The ideal feature presentation runs 16.2 minutes.) Still, women stateside aren’t keen on skipping the previews. Take advantage of foreplay to heighten her arousal and help you get in the zone at the same time. “If you go straight from walking through the door to having sex, your mind doesn’t have a lot of time to adjust,” Madison says. “Spend 10 to 15 minutes kissing each other and teasing each other. That will help you get more focused on what you’re about to do.”
Engage All Five Senses
When you pay attention to what’s going on around you (or under you), it’s hard for your brain to dwell on internal thoughts. “Thinking about what you’re doing is going to help you stay aroused and make sex more fun and more relaxing, instead of just another item on your to-do list,” says Madison, who offers up a simple yet effective method. “Ask yourself, ‘What am I hearing right now, what am I seeing, what am I feeling?’”
Focus On Her
Think your slow start in bed makes you a unique (albeit melting) snowflake? Not so much. Chances are she’s going through something similar—you’re just too busy thinking about yourself to realize it. “I hear a lot of women say that sex can start to feel like a chore,” Madison says. “They say, ‘When we’re having sex I’m thinking about how many calories I ate that day or what my boss said at work.’ It’s the exact same thing where people are having sex but their mind is somewhere else.” Bring her attention back to the present, and yours will follow.
Your bedroom is a minefield of mojo-murdering visual cues. Things like your alarm clock, briefcase or laptop can remind you of a meeting or unsent e-mail, or, worse, a prior mattress malfunction. Luckily, a change of scenery may be all you need to get your head back in the game. “You hear about people who get off on having sex at the Mile-high Club,” Madison says. “I can’t think of a worse place to have sex than in an airplane bathroom. But what’s exciting about the prospect is that you’re not supposed to be having sex there. That’s why having sex in offices, in the kitchen, on the dining-room table—all of those types of locations—can be very exciting, because they’re not necessarily places you would normally have sex.”
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